motorboating scene wedding crashers

32 Wedding Crashers Quotes That Still Make Me Laugh

Nearly 20 years after it was released, it's still hilarious.

In the 2000s, there was no bigger brand in comedy than what was being delivered by the Frat Pack ( Ben Stiller , Owen Wilson , Luke Wilson , Will Ferrell , Steve Carell , Jack Black , and Vince Vaughn ), and Wedding Crashers is one of the greatest examples of that era. Years after its release, it remains as funny as ever – due both to a terrific script and amazing performances – and we’ve put together this feature celebrating the special lines that are funny no matter how many times you watch the movie.

“You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me!”

There are times when one can get so angry that their capacity to put together cogent thoughts completely fails. This line, as delivered by the great Rebecca De Mornay, is a perfect example of this, and it is the first big laugh in Wedding Crashers .

“We lost a lot of good men out there.” “Playing for the Yankees?”

It’s hinted at in the first act of Wedding Crashers that John Beckwith (Owen Wilson) isn’t as into the titular activity as he once was. Not only does this weird slip-up add evidence of these feelings, but it’s also a great mid-montage joke that John successfully rebounds from with aplomb.

“He lived with mother until he was 40! She tried to poison his oatmeal!”

It’s set up early on that Chazz Reinhold is a chaotic individual (a reputation to which he eventually lives up), as John’s declarative statement about him really tells you everything that you need to know about the man and how he lives.

“I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup. I love maple syrup. I love maple syrup on pancakes; I love it on pizza. I love to take a little bit and put it in my hair when I’ve had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?”

The early exchange between John and Jeremy about their cover story – the latter pitching that they be the owners of a maple syrup conglomerate – is wonderfully illustrative of the brilliant chemistry between Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson. The former’s razzle-dazzle about his syrup expertise is ridiculous, and it gets an equally silly response.

“Grow up, Peter Pan! Count Chocula!”

Why does John call Jeremy “Count Chocula” at the end of his burn regarding outlandish ideas for a cover story? There is no real answer, but it doesn’t matter, because that line gets a chuckle with every viewing of Wedding Crashers .

“Whatever! Make me a bicycle, clown!”

Jeremy has a big personality, and one gets the sense that it’s hard to put him back on his heels… but that’s exactly what happens when he tries his balloon-twisting gambit and runs into an intense young boy.

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“I always knew my first time would be on a beach!”

With those 11 words from Gloria Cleary, Jeremy Grey’s wedding crashing adventure becomes an absolute nightmare, and Isla Fisher ’s delivery initiates a cackle every time. If Jeremy’s story is a roller coaster in Wedding Crashers , that’s equivalent to the first big drop.

“I don’t think you’re appreciating the urgency here. Not only is she a virgin, she’s totally off the reservation! I’m terrified of this broad”

The intense fear that Vince Vaughn gets across in his urgency to hit the ejector seat from the Cleary wedding is gold that would properly fit in a horror movie.

“Oh please. You and I both know I’m a phenomenal dancer. Now I know you’re lying through your teeth. You’ll do anything to get me to go on this thing. Even if I have to walk into the lion’s den.”

Jeremy might be petrified of the possibility he might be trapped for a weekend with Gloria Cleary, but he is a man of integrity who will clearly never tolerate someone besmirching his talent for dancing.

“She took me below deck for forty-five minutes. I have no bodily fluids left in me.”

At the start of Wedding Crashers , time has slowly siphoned all of the fun of crashing weddings from John Beckwith, but in Jeremy’s case, it’s quickly drained from him.

“I’m not even going to say it, but you know I’m upset.”

If I had to wear those golf pants, I would be upset too.

“That’s what we call a sack lunch! Nomnomnomnomnom.”

Sack Lodge and his cronies are a bunch of jerks who inspire more teeth-grinding in Wedding Crashers than laughs, but Carson Elrod’s delivery as Flip following Jeremy being tackled in the football game is indisputably hilarious.

“Yeah! Crabcakes and Football. That's what Maryland does!”

I really have to give it up to Flip. The guy knows how to properly celebrate overkill aggression during a backyard game of touch football.

“If I had any air in my lungs, I’d scream at you.”

Poor, Jeremy. He just wanted to have some fun, and instead, he finds himself hooking up with a lunatic and regularly getting pummeled to the ground all in the name of being a good wingman. He’s a trooper.

“Gloria, please. I'm exhausted. I've had a very long day... my leg's cut and bleeding. I'm really not in the mood for this.”

Is Jeremy a cad who lies to women? Yes. Is some of what he experiences during his weekend with the Clearys an example of karmic, deserved retribution? Certainly.  But boy, does Vince Vaughn sell pained exhaustion well for laughs.

“Don’t ever leave me. Because I’d find you!”

It’s clear that something is wrong with Gloria from the outset – with behavior like holding her breath and stamping when she doesn’t get her way with her father – but this is the line where she goes from being a weirdo to a terror.

“Pervert!”

When you think about it, Gloria Cleary is very obviously the daughter of Kathleen Cleary (Jane Seymour) – as evidenced by the bizarre, seductive cat-and-mouse game that she plays with John throughout their weekend together.

“Hey, what were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat?”

A big part of what sells this line is Jeremy’s mood change. At the start of their conversation, he is wholly drained and seemingly ready to collapse, but the simple mention of Kathleen coming on to John brings him back to life.

“I’m a little too traumatized to have a scone.”

This line is extra funny when you consider the heaping plateful of food he puts together after arriving in the kitchen the morning after the roughest night of his life. He can eat (especially if it’s all covered in his favorite condiment: maple syrup), but scones are just too much after his traumatic experience with Gloria and her family.

“I'm gonna go see Dr. Finklestein and I'm gonna tell him we have a whole new bag of issues. We can forget about mom for a while.”

It’s nice to know that Jeremy recognizes the importance of good mental health. The guy clearly has a lot of issues before we meet him in the story, but one can especially understand why he would need to talk to a professional following his weekend with the Clearys.

“I mean like, hunt a human being right now, ‘Most Dangerous Game.’ Like a worthy adversary. Not a human being that's armed, but a clever, clever, human being who knows the jungle. Or the woods.”

I’m not going to lie: if this line were to be used as a jumping off point to create a ridiculous 20-years-later sequel to Wedding Crashers , you would not hear a single complaint coming from me. In fact, I downright hope it happens.

“I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John!”

There’s an argument to be made that John doesn’t ultimately show nearly enough respect for Jeremy in Wedding Crashers … but Jeremy sure does whine a lot (though the talent of Vince Vaughn makes it hilarious).

“Maybe there's something about me that I'm a little cuckoo. I know it's a surprise, I know it's not on the surface. I mean, I had an imaginary friend when I was kid, and his name was Shiloh! We used to play checkers with each other every day, and bless his heart, Shiloh would always let me win!”

Another line that could be the platform for a Wedding Crashers follow-up. Jeremy Grey is a fascinating individual, and the brief insights we get into his wild mind are amazing. I’d watch This Is 40 -esque sequel that centers on Jeremy and Gloria’s relationship that is structured with flashback sequences that show their origins – including Jeremy’s bond with Shiloh.

“The painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me.”

If I were Jeremy, I perhaps wouldn’t want to keep a souvenir from one of the weirdest, most traumatic nights of my life, but it’s very clear that he is wired differently.

“She hasn't returned your phone calls, she hasn't responded to any of your letters, she didn't respond to the candygram. God knows what happened to the kitten you got for her. 'Cause she didn't keep it, and I know you're not raising the thing. I think it's very obvious at this juncture that she just flat out does not wanna see you.”

Vince Vaughn’s rapid fire delivery is best utilized when he can get on a run, and this bit from Jeremy as he tries to get John over his crush on Claire is the actor at the peak of his game.

“Listen, I’m getting married.” “Get out.”

A lot of credit goes to director David Dobkin and editor Mark Livolsi with this one. John’s instantaneous response to Jeremy’s “good” news is top-notch comedic timing aided by smart comedic minds working on the film in post-production.

“I almost nunchucked you. You don’t even realize.”

Will Ferrell was a cameo king in the 2000s, and Wedding Crashers is among his best surprise appearances. His serious arrival out of the shadows is excellent, but then he provides a tension breaker that is somehow both a relief and a red flag.

“Ma! The meatloaf!”

I have to imagine that this is a line that is quoted around the world whenever meatloaf is served. It might be the most quotable Wedding Crashers quote.

“I'm sorry I called you white trash.” “Apology accepted.” “And I'm sorry I called you hillbilly. I don't even know what that means.”

This is not only a funny exchange because of the Owen Wilson/Vince Vaughn banter, but because it’s (unbeknownst to John and Jeremy) a callback to the verbal tussle between Rebecca De Mornay and Dwight Yoakam’s characters in the film’s opening scene.

“I crashed a funeral earlier. It wasn’t my idea, I was basically dragged to it. I went with Chazz who you forgot to tell me is totally insane. He also might be a genius because it actually does work, he's cleaning up.”

The shock that this admission sends through the audience is fully earned. It’s a wildly horrible thing to do, and though it’s funny to witness as a viewer, it’s questionable that Claire instantly forgives him for the atrocious behavior.

“Share that with the Dalai Lama.”

Funny as it may be to see Jeremy get violently tackled in the game of touch football in Wedding Crashers , it is also immensely satisfying to not only see him get his revenge, but to deliver a sharp line to pair with his hit.

“So damn beautiful. With every death there comes rebirth. It’s the circle of life. We’re gonna be alright.”

Using a wedding to further heighten the emotions of a woman picked up while in mourning at a funeral? Chazz might be a moralless sociopath, but there is no arguing that the man is an artist at his horrible, horrible craft.

Wedding Crashers is available for purchase on Blu-ray and DVD, and it is available for rental and purchase on a wide variety of digital platforms.

Eric Eisenberg is the Assistant Managing Editor at CinemaBlend. After graduating Boston University and earning a bachelor’s degree in journalism, he took a part-time job as a staff writer for CinemaBlend, and after six months was offered the opportunity to move to Los Angeles and take on a newly created West Coast Editor position. Over a decade later, he's continuing to advance his interests and expertise. In addition to conducting filmmaker interviews and contributing to the news and feature content of the site, Eric also oversees the Movie Reviews section, writes the the weekend box office report (published Sundays), and is the site's resident Stephen King expert. He has two King-related columns.

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About Wedding Crashers

• Released in 2005
• Directed by David Dobkin
• Produced by New Line Cinema

Wedding Crashers Scenes

• You Shut Your Mouth
• Just the Tip
• Wedding Montage
• Hell of a Season
• I'm a Cocksman
• Death You Are My Bitch Lover
• Jeremy Seduces Gloria
• Claire's Toast
• Stage 5 Virgin Clinger
• That Was My First Asian
• No More Bodily Fluids
• Crab Cakes and Football
• I'd Find You
• I Don't Even Wear a Belt
• Sea Otter Story
• Holy Shirts and Pants
• Those are Lovely Tits
• Mom Make You Feel Her Tits?
• Grandma's Kind of Mean
• You Do the Math
• Todd and Jeremy in Bed
• Midnight Rape or the Gay Art Show
• Starboard's This Way
• Let's Go Kill Some Birds
• Jeremy Gets Shot
• I Hope You Flip Your Bike
• Randolph and Sack
• The Beach Scene
• Engagement Announcement
• I Wasn't A Virgin
• Jeremy and the Priest
• John Loves Claire
• Good News Travels Fast
• That Painting Was a Gift
• John's Plan
• Sack Fights John
• Rule Number 5 - You're an Idiot
• Jeremy and Gloria Get Engaged
• Claire Bear
• Light Reading
• Ma, Meatloaf
• Funeral Scene
• Preview of Marriage to Ike Turner
• Final Scene

Characters in This Scene

Jeremy Grey

John Beckwith

Grandma Mary Cleary

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Last night Tatyana and I watched David Dobkin ‘s Wedding Crashers . Third time for me, but the last time was the late summer of ’05 — almost 13 years ago. All butter and gravy. Hardly any diminishment except for one scene. Dobkin’s comic emphasis was utterly brilliant in this film — lightning in a bottle. And since ’05, he hasn’t exactly been channelling the right stuff. He directed Fred Claus (’07), The Change-Up (’11) and The Judge (’13) + produced a lot of films.

Wedding Crashers lasts two hours (usually but not always about 10 minutes too long for a comedy), and it almost never sacrifices story tension. And the money ! It did $209,255,921 domestic and $76 million foreign for a worldwide tally of $285,176,741 .

Owen Wilson (36 during filming, turning 50 on 11.18.18) looks incredibly young, and Vince Vaughn …well, nobody ever gave a funnier big-screen performance, and I’m including Seth Rogen, Jim Carrey, Buster Keaton, Groucho Marx, Harold Lloyd and Bob Hope in his 1950s heyday. Bradley Cooper hadn’t even happened at that point, and I’d forgotten about “motorboating.”

Read this 6.23.17 Tim Grierson recap piece (“The Oral History of Wedding Crashers , or: How does it feel having worked on this generation’s Animal House ?”).

The diminishment comes with the attempted nocturnal gay-rape scene between Vaughn and Keir O’Donnell . Nowadays a scene like this would never even be considered in the script stage, much less shot and included in the final cut. Remember how Vaughn got in trouble back in 2010 for saying “gay electric cars” in Ron Howard ‘s The Dilemma , and how the scene had to be removed?

To my great surprise and delight, Christy Hall‘s Daddio, which I was remiss in not seeing during last year’s Telluride...

7:45 pm: Okay, the initial light-hearted section (repartee, wedding, hospital, afterlife Joey Pants, healthy diet) was enjoyable, but Jesus, when...

It took me a full month to see Wes Ball and Josh Friedman‘s Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes...

The Kamala surge is, I believe, mainly about two things — (a) people feeling lit up or joyful about being...

Unless Part Two of Kevin Costner‘s Horizon (Warner Bros., 8.16) somehow improves upon the sluggish initial installment and delivers something...

For me, A Dangerous Method (2011) is David Cronenberg‘s tastiest and wickedest film — intense, sexually upfront and occasionally arousing...

• Cast & crew
• User reviews

Wedding Crashers

John Beckwith and Jeremy Grey, a pair of committed womanizers who sneak into weddings to take advantage of the romantic tinge in the air, find themselves at odds with one another when John m... Read all John Beckwith and Jeremy Grey, a pair of committed womanizers who sneak into weddings to take advantage of the romantic tinge in the air, find themselves at odds with one another when John meets and falls for Claire Cleary. John Beckwith and Jeremy Grey, a pair of committed womanizers who sneak into weddings to take advantage of the romantic tinge in the air, find themselves at odds with one another when John meets and falls for Claire Cleary.

• David Dobkin
• Steve Faber
• Owen Wilson
• Vince Vaughn
• Rachel McAdams
• 725 User reviews
• 183 Critic reviews
• 64 Metascore
• 11 wins & 11 nominations

Top cast 99+

• John Beckwith

• Jeremy Grey

• Claire Cleary

• Secretary Cleary

• Gloria Cleary

• Kathleen Cleary

• Grandma Mary Cleary

• Todd Cleary

• Father O'Neil

• Mr. Kroeger

• Mrs. Kroeger

• Christina Cleary
• (as Jenny Alden)

• All cast & crew
• Production, box office & more at IMDbPro

More like this

Did you know

• Trivia When Christopher Walken and Rachel McAdams are dancing at the engagement party, Walken kept saying "fart" to keep McAdams smiling after dancing had become quite repetitive.
• Goofs When Sack calls his friend to check up on John and Jeremy, he only knows their fake surname, Ryan. If Sack's friend actually checked up on those two "brothers," he would not learn that they were wedding crashers who go to weddings to meet and seduce women. There is no explanation for how Sack's friend could get the real low-down on these two individuals in such a short period of time.

Jeremy Grey : I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

John Beckwith : Soft mattress?

Jeremy Grey : Yeah, it could have been the soft mattress. Or the midnight rape. Or the nude gay art show that took place in my room. One of those probably added to the lack of sleep.

• Alternate versions The Unrated version for home video is 7:30 minutes longer.
• Connections Edited into Wedding Crashers: Deleted Scenes (2006)
• Soundtracks Horn Concerto No. 4 in E Flat Minor (1786) Written by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Arranged by Steve Gray , Herbie Flowers , Tristan Fry , and Kevin Peek Performed by The Swingles Courtesy of EMI Classics Under license from EMI Film & Television Music

User reviews 725

• claudio_carvalho
• Oct 13, 2006
• How long is Wedding Crashers? Powered by Alexa
• What is the song when John and Claire keep walk to each others rooms in the middle of the night?
• What are the differences between the Theatrical Version and the Director's Cut?
• July 15, 2005 (United States)
• United States
• Warner Bros.
• Los cazanovias
• Assateague Island National Seashore, Maryland, USA (beach scene)
• New Line Cinema
• Tapestry Films
• See more company credits at IMDbPro
• $40,000,000 (estimated)
• $209,273,411
• $32,200,000
• Jul 17, 2005
• $288,485,135

Technical specs

• Runtime 1 hour 59 minutes
• Dolby Digital

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Wedding Crashers 2005

Jeremy: Why don't you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems, jackass. What were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or for comfort? What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? [makes motorboat noises] You motor-boating son of a b*tch, you old sailor, you! Where is she? She still in the house?

John: What is wrong with you?

Jeremy: What do you mean, what's wrong with--? What's wrong with you?

John: No, what's wrong with you?

Jeremy: No, what's wrong with you? You're projecting!

John: Drop it.

Jeremy: You drop it! You stop projecting on me! Why don't you go enjoy yourself while I go ice my balls and spit up blood.

John: Drop it!

Jeremy: Team player!

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The Funniest 'Wedding Crashers' Quotes

Vote up your favorite movie quotes from ‘Wedding Crashers.’

In 2005, the best  Wedding Crashers  quotes showed this was a very different kind of comedy than what audiences usually got at the time. R-rated romps weren't exactly known for being box office gold, but  Wedding Crashers  found an audience and took it all the way to the bank. Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn turned out to be quite the comedic duo. 

The film about two friends who crash weddings and end up falling for two bridesmaids is still an enjoyable watch to this day with plenty of hilarious and famous lines that are instantly quotable. But which one of these  Wedding Crashers  quotes is the best? You get to help decide with your votes.

Which funny  Wedding Crashers  lines are your favorites? With the likes of Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, and Isla Fisher on this list, you can be certain you'll crack a smile as you vote on these quotes. 

The Meat Loaf

Chazz Reinhold: Mom! The meat loaf! F*ck!

Claire Cleary: True love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.

In The Trenches Taking Grenades

Jeremy Grey: I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out! You selfish son of a b*tch! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John!

I'd Find You

Gloria Cleary: My father warned me about people like you Jeremy, I'm just another notch on your belt.

Jeremy Grey: What are you talking about? It's not like that.

Gloria Cleary:  Then what's it like Jeremy?

Jeremy Grey: No wait! I just feel very strongly that we're starting only to express ourselves in a physically sexual specifically way and I just want to play some catch-up on finding who's inside here.

Gloria Cleary: Jeremy, you're amazing.

Jeremy Grey: I think you're amazing

Gloria Cleary: Don't ever leave me.

Jeremy Grey: Ever.

Gloria Cleary: Good. Because I'd find you.

Jeremy Grey: Share that with the Dalai Lama, jacka**!

Stage Five Clinger

Jeremy Grey: I've been looking all over for you. I got to get outta here, pronto. I got a stage five clinger.

John Beckwith:  No, no, I need more time.

Jeremy Grey:  Did you hear what I just said to you. Stage five, virgin, clinger. Let's go I'm gonna start the car. I'm serious, let's go... I don't think you're appreciating the urgency here. Not only is she a virgin, she's totally off the reservation. I'm terrified of this broad.

William Cleary: Well, the guy wants to run for president, he thinks Moby Dick is a venereal disease.

Play Like A Champion

Jeremy Grey: How many times you gonna do this sh*t? Rule #32: You don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely positive they have a pulse.

John Beckwith: Rule #16: Give me an up-to-date family tree. That was your mistake. You made me look like an idiot.

Jeremy Grey: Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!

Janice: I've got the perfect girl for you!

Jeremy Grey:  Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested, I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that a**-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your a** sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip." Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.

Janice: Okay...

Jeremy Grey: Okay, can you, can you put that so he can't see it? Thank you. Hey, Janice... great talk.

Girls With Hats

John Beckwith: Don't waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper.

Jeremy Grey: Yeah? Well, the proper girl in the hat just eye-f*cked the sh*t out of me.

John Beckwith: Why don't you say it a little louder? I don't think the priest heard you.

I Call It 'Celebration'

Todd Cleary: I made you a painting. I call it "Celebration." It's sexual and violent. I thought you might like it.

10 Percent Of Our Hearts

John Beckwith: You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts.

Rollin' a Fatty

Jeremy Grey: Does anyone know what this here is used for?

Little Boy: Rollin' a fatty?

Jeremy Grey: No... Not for... Where'd you learn that?

Kill Some Birds

Jeremy Grey: Wow. Mr. Environmental is also a hunter. That's got to be an interesting combination.

Sack Lodge: I hunt quail, Jeremy. They're overpopulated in this region and they're decimating the grubworm population. You got a f*cking problem with that?

Jeremy Grey: Not nearly as much as I do with the attire that you have on, or just your general point of view towards everybody. But let's go kill some birds. I'm psyched.

The Painting Was a Gift

Todd Cleary: Jeremy tried to seduce me! I want my painting back!

Jeremy Grey: The painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me.

Call Me 'Kitty Kat'

Kathleen Cleary: I just had my t*ts done. You like 'em?

John Beckwith:  Those... seem like lovely t*ts.

Kathleen Cleary: William doesn't give a sh*t about my t*ts.

John Beckwith: Well, darn him. But Mrs. Cleary, this is pretty sudden...

Kathleen Cleary: Oh, you been playing "Cat and Mouse" with me ever since you came here.

John Beckwith: Mrs. Cleary, I don't...

Kathleen Cleary: Call me Kat.

John Beckwith: Okay, Kat.

Kathleen Cleary: Call me "Kitty Kat".

John Beckwith: Okay, Kitty Kat. This feels borderline inappropriate.

Kathleen Cleary: Feel them.

John Beckwith: What?

Kathleen Cleary: I said feel them!

John Beckwith: Mrs. Cleary...

Kathleen Cleary: Kitty Kat.

John Beckwith: I'm sorry, Kitty Kat, are you out of your f*cking mind?

Kathleen Cleary: I'm not letting you out of this room until you feel them.

[John feels her boobs. Kathleen moans softly.]

John Beckwith: Wow, they feel really nice. Real orb-like. It's amazing what they can do...

[Kathleen shudders and puts her blouse back on.]

Kathleen Cleary: Pervert!

First Asian

Jeremy Grey: Completely different situation. She was a very, very family-oriented girl. And very into her grandmother.

John Beckwith: Yeah.

Jeremy Grey:  That was my first Asian!

Touch Football

John Beckwith: What are you doing? It's a game of touch, every time I look over you're on your a** again.

Jeremy Grey: If I had an air in my lungs, I'd scream at you.

John  Beckwith:  Oh now you're going to blame me because you're not athletic enough to stay on your own two feet?

Jeremy Grey: I hate you.

Sorry I'm Late

John Beckwith: Sorry I'm late.

Jeremy Grey: No problem.

John Beckwith: I'm sorry I called you white trash.

Jeremy Grey: Apology accepted.

John Beckwith: And I'm sorry I called you hillbilly. I don't even know what that means.

Jeremy Grey: John, it's Okay. Do you mind if I get married now?

Her Boyfriend Just Died

Chazz Reinhold: Yeah, her boyfriend just died. Dude died in a hang-gliding accident! What an idiot! "Aaaahhh, I'm hang-gliding! Take a good picture, honey, I'm dead!"

Crabcakes and Football

Flip: Yeah! Crabcakes and Football. That's what Maryland does!

Faithful for Two of Them

John Beckwith: How long have you and the Secretary been married?

Kathleen Cleary: 30 years next April.

John Beckwith: That's beautiful.

Kathleen Cleary: Yeah. And we were faithful for two of them.

Love Doesn't Exist

John Beckwith: [To children] Love doesn't exist, that's what I'm trying to tell you guys. And I'm not picking on love, 'cause I don't think friendship exists either.

It's Not Halloween

John Beckwith:  It's the first quarter of the big game and you wanna toss up a hail Mary? I'd like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it's not Halloween. Grow up, Peter Pan! Count Chocula! Look, we've been to a million weddings and you know what? We've rocked them all.

Go Comatose

Mr. Kroeger: That's it! Go comatose for me, baby.

• Wedding Crashers (2005)
• Entertainment
• Movie Quotes
• Watchworthy

The greatest, funniest, and most iconic movie and TV quotes from your all-time favorite comedies (and a few you probably haven’t seen).

42 “Wedding Crashers” Quotes That’ll Influence You to Rewatch

• Chapelle writes articles for The Knot Worldwide. She covers all things wedding-related and has a personal interest in covering celebrity engagements and fashion.
• Before joining The Knot Worldwide, Chapelle was an editorial intern for Subvrt Magazine.
• Chapelle has a degree in English writing from Loyola University New Orleans.

No invite? No problem! Wedding Crashers proved you don't need an invitation to enjoy a plate of prime rib, groove on the dance floor and indulge in a piece of cake. As some of our favorite Wedding Crashers quotes show, all you have to do is wear snappy duds, add a dash of bravado and remember the essential rules. The result? Happily ever after—almost. So, if you need inspiration for your next Instagram post this wedding season , check out the best Wedding Crashers lines that'll leave you rolling with laughter and ready to watch the movie all over again on date night .

Wedding Crashers lines and quotes fans love: The Best Overall | Funny | From Vince Vaughn | From Owen Wilson | Best Will Ferrell | Rules

Best Wedding Crashers Quotes

When this romcom-meets-bromance first hit the big screen, Wedding Crashers gave guests and surprise crashers everything they needed to make the most of the getting-hitched season. Here are some of the best Wedding Crashers wedding quotes that are more entertaining to repeat and share than wedding vows will ever be (just kidding).

1. "You know how they say we only use 10% of our brains? I think we only use 10% of our hearts." – John Beckwith 2. "You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!" – Mrs. Kroeger 3. "Yeah! Crab cakes and football. That's what Maryland does!" – Flip 4. "You're like that crazy guest who thinks he's part of the family already." – Claire Cleary 5. "Death, you are my bitch lover!" – Todd Cleary 6. "Don't ever leave me…'Cause I'd find you!" – Gloria Cleary 7. "True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another." – John Beckwith 8. "Love doesn't exist, that's what I'm trying to tell you guys. And I'm not picking on love, 'cause I don't think friendship exists either." – John Beckwith 9. "I made you a painting. I call it 'Celebration.' It's sexual and violent. I thought you might like it." – Todd Cleary 10. "Whatever. Make me a bicycle, clown." – Young boy at the wedding reception

Wedding Crashers Funny Lines

It's hard to say what the funniest Wedding Crashers movie quotes are, but we took a stab at it. Here are the top seven funny lines that made the cut.

11. "I'm just warming up. Last week I did an exact [balloon] replica, to scale, of Wrigley Field. Honest to God. I don't have anywhere to put it." – Jeremy Grey 12. "I'm sorry I called you a hillbilly. I don't even know what that meant." – John Beckwith 13. "I almost nunchucked you; you don't even realize!" – Chazz Reinhold 14. "Todd, that's good! Tell that mean ocean!" – Secretary William Cleary 15. "You ready for some football? You want the noise brought on you because here it comes." – Flip 16. "This congregation really doesn't care about how depressing your life is, John." – Sack Lodge 17. "Of course, like all kids, I had imaginary friends. But not just one. I had hundreds and hundreds and all of them from different backgrounds who spoke different languages. One of them, his name was Caleb. He spoke a magical language only I could understand. [Starts speaking made-up language]" – Gloria Cleary

Best Vince Vaughn Wedding Crashers Quotes

Whether you call him Jeremy Grey or his beloved nickname Baba Ganoush in Wedding Crashers , Vince Vaughn steals the show as the character with arguably the most popular quotes. Get ready to relive all the fun because "It's wedding season, kid!"

18. "Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal." 19. "I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup! I love maple syrup. I love maple syrup on pancakes. I love it on pizza. And I take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I've had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?" 20. "Who gives a sh*t? It's a great band, it's a bad band, it's like pizza, baby." 21. "Oh, that's terrific! Why don't you just feed me to the lions? Step on my head when I am drowning." 22. "This is the real world, lady! You can't just go shooting people on a whim!" 23. "I'm a little too traumatized to have a scone." 24. "A friend in need is a pest." 25. "I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out! You selfish son of a b*tch! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John!" 26. "I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you." 27. "Get on in here, let the big bear get his paws on ya." 28. "Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating."

Best Owen Wilson Wedding Crashers Quotes

The other half of the iconic Wedding Crashers duo, Owen Wilson (also known as John Beckwith), helped make the movie memorable too. Below are all the lines Beckwitch said that made us laugh out loud.

29. "Grow up Peter Pan—Count Chocula." 30. "You better lock it up." 31. "I think he's on steroids. It's like trying to cover a f**king race horse." 32. "I love you. Yeah, you, big guy." 33. "You're unbelievable. Judas! Rule number five: You're an idiot." 34. "I don't know what red seven means. What is hot route?" 35. "Don't waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper." 36. "I'm sorry, Kitty Kat. Are you out of your f**king mind?"

Best Will Ferrell Wedding Crashers Quotes

Chazz Reinhold in Wedding Crashers, Will Ferrell's role, killed every scene he was in. Reinhold is the lovable idiot whose character switches from hooking up at nuptials to scoring big at funerals.

37. "Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac." 38. "Yeah. Dude died in a hang-gliding accident. What an idiot! 'Ahh! I'm hang-gliding! Honey, take a good picture...I'm dead!' What a freak." 39. "Hey, Ma! Can we get some meatloaf?" 40. "I'm just living the dream." 41. "It's like fishing with dynamite." 42. "So damn beautiful! With every death, there comes rebirth, it's the circle of life. We're gonna be all right."

Wedding Crashers Rules

Is your wedding guest calendar looking bleak? Don't fret! While the movie didn't cover all of them, we've rounded up some of the best Wedding Crashers rules you need to rock this wedding season.

• Rule #1: Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own.
• Rule #2: Never use your real name.
• Rule #3: Never confess.
• Rule #4: No one goes home alone.
• Rule #5: Never let a girl come between you and a fellow Crasher.
• Rule #6: Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
• Rule #7: Blend in by standing out.
• Rule #8: Be the life of the party.
• Rule #9: Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
• Rule #11: Sensitive is good.
• Rule #12: When it stops being fun, break something.
• Rule #13: Console the bridesmaids.
• Rule #14: You're a distant relative of a dead cousin.
• Rule #15: Fight the urge to tell the truth.
• Rule #16: Always have an up-to-date family tree.
• Rule #18: You love animals and children.
• Rule #19: Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it.
• Rule #22: You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. No overtime.
• Rule #24: If you get outed, leave calmly. Do not run.
• Rule #25: You understand she heard that, but that's not what you meant.

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How Wedding Crashers Became So Quotable

What would the world be like without Wedding Crashers ? It'd be a pretty bleak place, probably: Bros on college campuses everywhere would have fewer rallying cries to shout at each other before and after shotgunning beers; weird, noisy boob-related foreplay acts would remind no one of motorized watercraft; violently needy lovers would have to be called something distinctly unhilarious like “violently needy lovers.”

Thankfully, though, Wedding Crashers made it to U.S. cinemas on July 15, 2005. And it's a good thing; otherwise you wouldn't have that one friend who still, ten years later, loves quoting Wedding Crashers .

Steve Faber, co-writer of 2013's We’re the Millers and author of a novella in the new collection The Blumhouse Book of Nightmares , co-wrote what Entertainment Weekly named one of the most quotable comedies since 1970 with his high school classmate Bob Fisher. This week, Faber told me about the origins of some of the punchlines and catchphrases it’s hard to remember a world without—and about where its characters might have ended up after the credits rolled.

Some of the most quotable lines from Wedding Crashers come from John and Jeremy’s list of rules for crashing weddings, like Rule 76: “No excuses, play like a champion." Particularly beloved, that one. How'd you guys come up with it? Well, I worked for Congress right out of college—for Ed Markey, the Congressman, now Senator Ed Markey. I didn’t have any money. They didn’t pay very well at all. So I was living crammed into an unfurnished condo outside of D.C. with five other people also working for Congress. We not only didn’t have food, we didn’t have cutlery. Knives, forks, and such.

So what I decided one day was—remember those old laminating machines, you could make a badge and laminate it? I would print out my name and underneath I would write “administrative associate to Senator Kennedy,” or “administrative aide to the chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee.” And these various lobbying groups used to hold these gigantic lobbying events—the shrimpers associations, they held the best lobbying dinners. Unbelievable. So I would bring my big briefcase to work that day, and then after work, I would stick on this big laminated badge and get into these dinners and not only eat and drink for free but at the end—and I’m not proud of this—open my briefcase and gently slide the plates and the cutlery off the table.

So you were a lobbying-dinner crasher. It just seemed like the right thing to do. The shrimpers, they were spending so much money, getting these tax breaks, and all these gigantic corporations were getting huge tax breaks. So I thought, why not donate to a good cause, like all of us crammed into this unfurnished condo?

And by the time I was done, [my roommates], who had laughed at first—well, we had a fully stocked set of dishes and glasses. I mean, when you’re bringing shrimp home in your pockets, it gets a little weird. But I always thought, you really have to go big or go home.

I see the connective tissue there. Some of these other rules are pretty specific to crashing weddings, though—like “Don’t commit to a relative unless you’re absolutely positive they have a pulse.” Did this one come from some traumatic experience of your own? Oh, this is a constant problem I have. Constant problem. I’m a very caring and compassionate man! I really am. And of course when you have to say those words to somebody, that’s the last thing that you want. But I’ll say, How’s Aunt Rose? And I’ll hear that Aunt Rose passed six months ago. And that’s humiliating.

“Never walk away from a crasher in a funny jacket.” [ Long pause ] I honestly can’t help you there. I don’t remember writing that one. But I guess if you see another crasher in a funny jacket, you know you can come in to steal the show, because the woman that two guys are trying to hit on, she doesn’t want to talk to the guy in the funny jacket. And so you can gently make light of the funny jacket and point her attention toward it, and then have her realize it is indeed a funny jacket.

The rules in Wedding Crashers were all about how to approach a woman at a wedding you’ve just crashed that will get her interested in you. For me the big one was “man with haunted past.” More as a persona than a rule, but a good rule, too. I suppose in my warped mind ten years ago—and still in my warped mind—there’s a connection between somebody you’re attracted to and want to be attracted to you, and having this mysterious past that you can barely talk about, whether that’s for legal reasons or because it chokes you up. Like that’s a big seduction. And actually I thought the best way to express that was, “We lost a lot of good men out there.” When John says that, you don’t know what the hell he’s talking about!

“Lost a lot of good men out there” has taken on a life of its own, I feel, too. Every now and again I’ll hear someone add it onto the end of a story they’ve just told, especially if it wasn’t that funny. “Lost a lot of good men out there.” I didn’t know that had become something! I really didn’t. I’m surprised by that!

Okay. Next one: “Eye-fucking.” Your invention? I thought everybody was familiar with eye-fucking! Prior to Wedding Crashers I was working in network television, and you’re sitting with a lot of comedy writers, pitching a lot of jokes, and that phrase came up really early. I thought people knew it! I almost felt like it was cliche.

Really? I think the first time I heard it was in Wedding Crashers ! But in any case, I bet everybody heard it much more after the movie. That’s interesting. Yeah. I probably don’t want that one on my headstone.

Probably a wise choice. Okay, same question: “Motorboating.” When I was at UCLA, my college roommate had the most juvenile ways of expressing his sexual forays. And one of them was motorboating. I would say, “Please. Stop doing that. It’s embarrassing. You’re fucking embarrassing.” And he’d say, “Well, how else should I describe it?” And I’d say, “Don’t describe it!”

I’m not one of those guys who likes to hear about other guys’ sexual conquests. Especially somebody’s sexual conquests that sound like a cartoon.

I think the Wedding Crashers quote I hear the most in everyday vernacular is “stage-five clinger.” Did you know someone at some point who described women that way, or did that one just come from your imagination? That’s my favorite. It was in the very first draft, and that one came fully from my imagination. I was in love with that. I was in love with him saying it. We’ve all encountered it in one way or another. Doesn’t even have to be sexual; can even be friendly. Some people, they’re just—they’re clingers!

I’m still mystified, all these years later, by “Let’s play tummy sticks.” Is my hunch correct that no one on Earth actually knows what “tummy sticks” is? Oh, that. That was a throwaway. You’re not supposed to know what it means.

Okay. Thank you. This feels validating. It implies something erotic and fun. But no, you are absolutely not supposed to have a definition of what “tummy sticks” is.

Do you have your own personal definition of it, though? I’m not gonna ask what it is, if you do. I… probably do. And if I went to therapy, it might come up.

“True love is your soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another.” John says it to Claire, then he adds that he saw it on a bumper sticker. Was there a bumper sticker involved on your end? That one was actually an inside joke—if you can call Nietzsche an inside joke. It was a quote from Nietzsche. In comedy there are ten-percenters —that’s a one-percenter. But it sounded good, and I don’t think he knew what the fuck to say at that point. In my mind, he had Googled “romantic quotes.” Maybe this makes it sound like we’re ripping off quotes from famous philosophers. But trust me, that’s the only time that happened. [ laughs ] I don’t think Nietzsche ever talked about motorboating.

“We only use ten percent of our brains; I think we only use ten percent of our hearts.” I think [this line speaks to how] these guys started overthinking this: What was once an act of juvenalia and juvenile fun became a profession, and when they spot this news that the Secretary of the Treasury’s daughter is getting married and what a wedding that would be, in the context of that quote, they’re thinking about it, not feeling it. They don’t really start feeling until the end of the second act, leading into the third act.

So this one’s more than just a cheesy line, then; these guys really are learning to use more than ten percent of their hearts. Well, I didn’t want to write a rom-com. Where everything gets tied up neatly at the end. In the last scene of Wedding Crashers , these people aren’t going to stay together. They’re just not. This isn’t the beginning of an eighty-year marriage. It’s kind of like the end of The Graduate . Those two aren’t gonna stay together. You know they’re not. But it was no longer about their romance; it was about being able to pull that off. Obviously, studios want happy endings. Everybody should feel good leaving the theater. But I wanted to complicate it a little bit. These four people get in a car together, and they could be done in ninety minutes. I think some people got that, and I wanted people to get that.

So in your imagination, what happens after they get in the car? I think you can’t take a man whose brain is inculcated with these really bizarre ideas about women and women’s sexuality and retrain him in a week. You can’t make him a new man. Isla’s character Gloria was never a virgin but played Jeremy; she’s a player, too. When two players go at it, that’s not going to work out very well. I think [John] has this over-nostalgized version of romance, or over-romanticized version of nostalgia—and I think he and Claire have fun for a while, and then Claire goes back to being the daughter of the Secretary of the Treasury. It’s not a love story about Jeremy and Gloria or a love story about John and Claire. It’s a love story about John and Jeremy.

I hate this phrase “bromance.” I can’t stand it. But it really is about the stability of their friendship. It’s a love story between those two.

Unforgettable Wedding Crashers: Motorboating Extravaganza

Wedding crashers have been a timeless source of entertainment and intrigue. Their ability to infiltrate weddings unnoticed, mingle with guests, and create unforgettable moments is legendary. But have you ever heard of motorboating wedding crashers? Prepare yourself for an extravaganza like no other as we dive into the world of motorboating wedding crashers and explore this unique phenomenon.

The Rise of Motorboating Wedding Crashers

Motorboating, a term often associated with water sports, has taken on a whole new meaning in the world of wedding crashing. Instead of gliding through the water, it involves energetic and enthusiastic dancing, with a twist. Motorboating wedding crashers have mastered the art of spontaneous and exuberant dancing that mimics the playful motion of a motorboat. This unexpected and lively addition to weddings has gained popularity for its ability to liven up the atmosphere and create lasting memories.

Why Motorboating at Weddings?

Weddings are joyous occasions filled with love, laughter, and celebration. Motorboating adds an element of fun and spontaneity to an already joyful atmosphere. It allows guests to let loose and break free from social norms, encouraging everyone to embrace their inner child and to dance like nobody’s watching. The infectious energy of motorboating wedding crashers spreads throughout the venue, creating a vibrant and unforgettable experience for all attendees.

Etiquette and Considerations

While the concept of motorboating wedding crashers may seem wild and carefree, there are still important etiquette and considerations to keep in mind. It’s essential to respect the couple’s wishes and the overall tone of the wedding. Not all weddings may be suitable for motorboating, so be mindful of the atmosphere and the preferences of the newlyweds. Remember, the goal is to enhance the celebration, not overshadow it.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: is motorboating appropriate at every wedding.

A: Motorboating may not be appropriate for every wedding. It largely depends on the couple’s preferences and the overall tone and atmosphere of the event.

Q: Are there any specific dance moves associated with motorboating?

A: Motorboating is more about the energetic and spontaneous nature of the dancing rather than specific moves. It’s about letting go, having fun, and embracing the joy of the moment.

Q: How can I become a motorboating wedding crasher?

A: To become a motorboating wedding crasher, all you need is enthusiasm, a love for dancing, and a willingness to let loose and have a great time. Just remember to respect the couple and the overall vibe of the wedding.

Q: Are motorboating wedding crashers always uninvited guests?

A: While motorboating wedding crashers are often uninvited guests, it’s important to note that some couples may welcome this spontaneous burst of energy and even encourage their guests to join in on the fun.

In Conclusion

Motorboating wedding crashers have revolutionized the art of wedding crashing, bringing an energetic twist to celebrations everywhere. Their ability to create unforgettable moments through lively and exuberant dancing has become a cherished addition to the wedding experience. Whether you’re a fan of motorboating or simply want to witness the cheer and excitement it brings, these unforgettable wedding crashers are sure to make your special day even more memorable.