amish motorboat joke

70 Funny Amish Jokes Suited for a Good Old-Fashioned Laugh

Updated on: December 29, 2023

Jessica Amlee

The Amish are known for their simple living, plain dress, and reluctance to adopt modern technology. Imagine living in a world where ‘tweeting’ is something only birds do, and ‘going viral’ means catching a cold. Their lifestyle is like a permanent ‘throwback Thursday’. They’re the folks who make your grandma’s old-fashioned ways look like a sci-fi movie. And in a world where speed is everything, they take it slow, proving that horses can indeed keep up with horsepower. This unique way of life, where zippers are a no-no, but a good old-fashioned barn raising is a definite yes, sets the stage for some good-natured Amish jokes.

Now, Amish jokes are a bit like the Amish themselves: they don’t need bells and whistles to be funny. They’re like a horse and buggy on the comedy highway, cruising at a leisurely pace but still getting you to the laugh factory. They’re not about punchlines that hit you faster than a Wi-Fi connection; they’re more about a chuckle that’s hand-crafted like Amish furniture. These jokes don’t need a setup that’s plugged into an outlet; they’re powered by the simple, often amusing observations of a lifestyle that says no to Netflix but yes to quilting bees. In the world of humor, Amish jokes are that rare, hand-sewn quilt in a shop full of mass-produced blankets.

Best Amish Jokes

What did the Amish woman do that got her kicked out of the church? Too Mennonite.

Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) Oh &*%^$%&! It’s the Amish! There goes the party.

What sort of raisin does an Amish person prefer? A barn raisin.

How many Amish people does it take to change a lightbulb? A what?

What goes ‘pataclop, pataclop, pataclop, ratatata, pataclop, pataclop?’ An Amish drive-by shooting.

Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) Amish. (Amish Who?) Awwww How sweet. I miss you too.

What makes ordinary Gatorade different from Amish Gatorade? Amish Gatorade has no electric lights.

Have you heard about the Amish children’s cooking competition prize? Whichever kiddo makes the best egg dish gets to keep the Amlet omelet amulet.

What are Amish children called? Omelettes.

What do you call a group of Amish witches? A Dutch coven.

In Amish country, a Ferrari is driving. It goes off the road and into a ditch. The man emerges unscathed and looks at his car in dismay. A few minutes later, an Amish man in a horse and cart passes past. “Would you like any help, English?” asks the Amish man. The man instantly replies he will, and the Amish man swiftly dismounts and attaches his horse to the car. “Okay, Nelly, pull!” The horse is still immobile. “Now, pull, Chester!” Again, the horse does nothing. “Come on, Blacky, pull!” After a few strides, the horse simply pulls the car out of the ditch and back onto the road. “Woah, Blacky, that’s good!” exclaims the Amish guy, and the horse comes to a halt. “I truly appreciate the assistance, but why did you call that horse by three different names?” the driver asks the Amish man. “Oh,” the Amish man responds,” That horse is blind. He’s easily strong enough to accomplish it, you see, but if he believed he was doing it alone he wouldn’t even try.”

Why is it difficult for the Amish to travel? Their transit system is a little buggy.

What do you call an Amish man who has his arm up his horse’s arse? A mechanic.

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Why don’t the Amish water ski? Because their horses would drown.

What do the Amish people call a jar full of honeybees? A vibrator.

What can be expected of an Amish man after a one-night stand? He never calls back.

What’s a fact about the Amish? The very first self-driving vehicle was invented by the Amish in the 1700s… The horse worked fine, but the car was a little buggy.

A couple of Amish girls visit New York City and they decide to taste hot dogs for the first time. They buy two hot dogs wrapped in foil from a street vendor and sit on a nearby bench, eager to experience this new food for the first time. The first girl opens the foil, blushes with embarrassment, and shyly asks the second girl, “What part of the dog did you get?”

They don’t bury an Amish man with his beard. They bury him with shovels.

What was the reason for the Amish woman’s divorce from her husband? Because he was driving her buggy.

Have you heard about the Amish Flu? At first, you get a little horse. Then you get a little buggy but later on, you get butter.

What is your first thought about a home with no internet? Something is Amish.

Is it true that Amish men can’t motorboat their wives? Yes, they can only row boat them.

An Amish couple is riding down the road in their horse and buggy during a blizzard. The woman notices a skunk on the road. “Honey, pull over, he must be freezing!” she says to her husband. So the husband pulls over, the wife gets out, grabs the skunk, and they continue on their way. After about 5 minutes, she turns to her husband and says, “He’s still shivering, honey! How should I do?” The husband replied, “Oh put him up your dress, he’ll be warm then!” The wife complains, ” Oh honey, what about the smell!” The husband responds, “Pinch his little nose, he’ll be okay!”

When their horse and buggy break down, who do the Amish call? Triple Neigh.

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How do Amish kids take a field trip? They just go to a different field.

What kind of music do Amish people enjoy? Tech no.

What would an Amish person drive if they had a car? A Volks-wagon.

Have you heard of the new Amish rapper? His name is Two Churnz.

For the first time, an Amish dad and his kid visit a large retail mall. They’re marveling at all of the gleaming enormous structures and massive panes of glass when they come across two big gleaming metal doors. “What is it, Dad?” inquired his kid. “I have no idea,” the father said. I’ve never seen anything like it in my entire life. They stood there in awe as an older lady approached the doors, touched a button, and stepped within the now-open doors. The doors closed again, and a 20-year-old blonde emerged a little time later. The father said to his son, “Go get your mother!”

How do the Amish hunt deer? They sneak up on it and build a barn around it.

What is the similarity between Sean Connery, a concrete company, baseball, and folks without technology? A schwing and Amish!

Why were all the Mennonite youngsters kicked from the local baseball team? Every time they came to bat it was a swing and Amish.

How can horse farts be useful? Amish wagon window defrosters!

What’s harder than selling ice to an Eskimo? Selling razors to the Amish.

Two Amish ladies are gathering potatoes in a field. One Amish woman sighs as she holds up two potatoes. “What’s the matter?” asks the other Amish woman. “These potatoes remind me of my husband’s testicles,” the first woman remarked. “Oh, that big?” exclaimed the second lady. “No, that dirty.”

Did you hear about those Amish who are running wild when the sun goes down? They’re Amish by day, but mennonite.

Why is fine to cyberbully an Amish rather than in person? Because they won’t be able to see it.

What do hockey players and Amish girls have in common? They both take a shower after 3 periods.

What do you call an alien who was exiled from the Amish? A Mar-shun.

My friend wants everyone on earth to convert to the Amish. Some people just want to watch the world churn.

How can you know if an Amish person is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.

Recommended : Falling Jokes

In the middle of the night, an elderly Amish man wakes up hurriedly. He goes to the outhouse after realising he needs to poop and it’s going to be a bad one. He looks around for a magazine or toilet paper once he finishes. He recalled afterwards that he had used the last page of the Sears catalogue that afternoon. Then, miraculously, he discovers a white glow on the floor. Meanwhile, his wife is lying in bed, puzzled as to what is taking him so long. Finally, the old guy returns and lies down next to his wife. “What took so long?” inquires the elderly lady. “I had to stop and wash my hands,” says the elderly man. “In the 50 years we’ve been married, you’ve never washed your hands after using the outhouse.” With that old old man replies, “well in 50 years I’ve never wiped my ass with a moon beam either.”

Who is the most bored person among Amish people? An Amish electrician.

How did the survey suggests that out of the world’s population, 0% of people are Amish? It was an online survey.

What’s the best part of Amish jokes? That you can put them all over the internet and they will never know.

What was the punishment for the Amish boy who went streaking at school? He got suspendered.

My parents said I don’t have to come home until the street lights come on. But we live in an Amish neighborhood so I think they just don’t love me.

An Amish man is returning home from his wedding in his horse carriage. The horse comes to a halt in the middle of the road, so the man dismounts. He approaches the horse and says, “horse, that’s one.” He then returns, and the horse resumes its walk. The horse stops again, so he jumps off and punches the horse, saying “horse, that’s two.” His wife is surprised, but he ignores her. When he returns to the carriage, it begins to move again. The horse comes to a halt once more in the middle of the road. The man gets out, approaches the horse, and says, “horse, that’s three,” before shooting the horse to death. His wife is upset and asks him why he would shoot a perfectly good horse. The man says, “Wife, that’s one.”

Why is the Amish Space Program at a stalemate? Jebediah and the boys just cannot figure out how to get the horses to go vertical.

How do you tell the teams apart in Amish women’s basketball? It’s skirts versus shins.

What types of dishes do they have at an Amish buffet? Probably some kind of stoneware.

How did the Amish know they didn’t prepare their butter right? It left their stomach churning.

The farmers who make great furniture aren’t the only ones who do so. That’s Amish conception.

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In a pub, an Amish man, a hippie, and Jesus walk in. An old man at the bar looks at them, shocked, and asks, “Why are three men who are so unlike travelling together?” “I want to study the practises of the Amish to be free of materialism,” says the Hippie. “I’ve lost trust in my people,” the Amish man continues, “and I want to study the ancient ways of Christ.” “I go where I’m needed,” Jesus says. “OK, it makes sense,” the old man says, “but how did you meet?” “I was strolling down this stretch of road because my van broke down,” the Hippie explains. “This was the only road to take when I left my community,” the Amish guy explains. “I go where I’m needed,” Jesus responds. “Well, why did you decide to come into this bar?” the old man asks again. “I go where the Amish man goes,” says the Hippie. “I follow Jesus,” says the Amish man. “I go where I’m needed,” Jesus says. Still perplexed, the old man turns to Jesus and asks, “Well, why are you needed here?” “My shift starts at 5,” Jesus sighs.

Why did the Amish woman get pregnant? Because she was seeing too many Mennonite.

What do you get when you cross an Amish man with an octopus? Don’t know either but it sure can pick corn!

Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) Amish. (Amish who?) You’re not a shoe, you freaking idiot.

What do the Amish call a DUI? Horsing around.

Recommended : Redneck Jokes

Three Amish women are gathering potatoes in a field. Jake, Jacob, and Jakey are the names of their husbands. They were usually perplexed. So they decided to give them a nickname one day. Mabel suggested that they be named after soda pop, to which the other two replied, “What do you mean?” Mabel decided she’d go first, saying, “I’ll call my Jacob 7-Up since he has 7 inches and it’s always up.” Oh, the other two adored this concept. “I’ll call my Jake Mountain Dew because he takes me to the mountain and he sure can do me,” Ella added next. They all laughed. Margaret, the previous lady, pauses for a moment before saying, “I’ll call my husband Jack Daniels.” “That’s not a soda pop, that’s a liquor,” Mabel replied. Margaret exclaimed, “That’s my Jakey!”

Do you know why Amish SUVs get such bad mileage? Because they’re real grass-guzzlers.

How can you tell if Amish people live on a particular road? It has a ‘no outlet’ sign.

We went to a parade in rural Ohio yesterday and saw a lot of Amish folks. But I did not see anyone that was completely Am.

An Amish lady is pulled over by an officer. “I’m not going to cite you,” the officer stated. “I just wanted to let you know that the back reflector on your buggy is damaged and could be unsafe.” “I thank thee,” the Amish lady said. “I’ll have my husband fix it as soon as I get home.” “I also saw one of your horse’s reins is wrapped around his testicles,” the officer added. Some people may consider this cruelty to animals, so you should have your husband look into it as well.” “I thank you once more. When I go home, I’ll have my husband double-check this.” When the Amish lady returned home, she told her husband about the damaged reflector. He promised to put on a fresh one right away. “The policeman also claimed there was something wrong with the emergency brake,” the Amish woman added.

What does an Amish basketball player say during a night game? This is just a shot in the dark.

What’s crazy about the Amish strip club? It was bonnetless.

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What do Amish teens call sex? Cumspringa.

On a cold, windy January day, an Amish woman and her 18-year-old daughter were riding in an open buggy. “My hands are extremely chilly,” the daughter complained to her mother. “Put your hands between your knees, the body heat will warm them up,” the mother said. So the daughter did, and her hands warmed up as a result. The daughter was travelling in the buggy with her boyfriend the next day. “My hands are terribly chilly,” the boyfriend added. “Put them between my legs, they’ll warm up,” the daughter said. The boyfriend is driving the buggy with the daughter the next day. “My nose is very cold,” he said. “Put it between my legs, it’ll warm up,” the daughter said. He did, and his nose warmed as a result. The boyfriend was travelling with the daughter the next day when he exclaimed, “My penis is frozen solid.” The next day, while going in the buggy with her mother, the girl asks, “Have you ever heard of a penis?” “Sure, why do you ask?” says the mother. “Well, they just make a huge mess when they thaw out!” explains the daughter.

How many men does it take to make an Amish woman happy? 3 men a night.

At an Amish buffet. Man: Do you take credit cards here? Cashier: We do, yeah! Man: Do you give them back?

Did you find these jokes about Amish people funny? Do let us know more puns in the comment box below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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Amish Jokes

The Amish are a religious sect in America who tend to avoid technology and the modern world. So unfortunately for them, they won’t be able to jump on the band wagon and see these funny Amish jokes and puns! You’re guaranteed to laugh yourself hoarse though!

Funny Amish Jokes And Puns

You know why Amish SUVs get such bad mileage?

Because they’re real grass-guzzlers.

What’s an Amish person’s favorite dried fruit ?

A barn raisin’.

This time of year, everyone should know the symptoms of the Amish flu .

First you get a little horse, then a little buggy.

I was driving down the road today when I say a sign for fresh Amish cheese that read, “Made with real Amish milk .”

I didn’t even know you could milk the Amish.

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall .

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “What is this, Father?”

The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number. and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son…

“Son, go get your Mother.”

Why don’t the Amish drink alcohol ?

Because they’re always on the wagon.

I conducted an online survey.

And found that out of the world’s population, 0% of people are Amish.

What type of music do Amish people like?

Why is it hard for the Amish to travel ?

Their transit system is a little buggy.

What do you call an Amish man with his arm up a horse’s backside?

A mechanic.

Why don’t Amish people water ski?

Because their horses would drown.

How did the Amish know they didn’t prepare their butter right?

It left their stomach churning.

I went to a parade in rural Ohio yesterday and saw a lot of Amish folks.

But I didn’t see anyone that was completely Am.

Jacob wasn’t able to raise the barn in time for the rainy weather .

Amished opportunity, if you ask me.

What goes “clip-clop-clip-clop-bang”?

An Amish drive-by.

Do Amish murderers get the acoustic chair?

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

You’re not a shoe, you idiot.

How can you tell if Amish people live on a particular road?

It has a “no outlet” sign.

Amish dad outside making butter.

So whose churn is it next?

Why was the Amish girl excommunicated?

Too Mennonite.

What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn’t any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?

“Shomething’sh Amish…”

I had a one night stand with an Amish guy the other week.

He never called me back.

How many Amish people does it take to change a lightbulb ?

I just made a scathing video mocking the Amish.

I can’t wait till they see it.

Jokes About The Amish

If you enjoyed these funny Amish jokes, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more hilarious jokes, including our other religious jokes such as these:

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Jokes by Alex

The Top 27 Best Amish Jokes

The following is a comprehensive list of the best Amish jokes I could find.

Have another joke that you think I should add to my list of Amish jokes? Let me know about it in the comment section below ↓

• He was driving her buggy.
• Amish war heros.
• Amish driveby shooting.
• Because the horses would drown.
• They keep falling off the wagon.
• A mechanic.
• Two Mennonite.
• Who else would be alone in a garden with a naked woman and be tempted by a piece of fruit?
• About three degrees.
• About 12 pounds of hair.
• Because they’re real grass-guzzlers.
• Two Mennonites found a penny.
• He never called me back.
• Horsing around.
• They refuse to bare arms.
• Shomething’sh Amish…
• Don’t know either but it sure can pick corn!
• Yes, they can only row boat them.
• A vibrator.
• The horse worked fine, but the car was a little buggy.
• They sneak up on it and build a barn around it.
• They bury him with shovels.
• We found that out of the world’s population, 0% of people are Amish.
• It was bonnetless.
• Their transit system is a little buggy.
• About 10 Mennonite.

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Amish Jokes

Do you need a laugh? Here are some Amish jokes for you to enjoy. The Amish are a religious group known for their traditional way of life, which includes horse-drawn transportation, simple clothing, and avoiding many modern technologies. They have become a popular subject in American culture, often depicted in books, films, and television shows. The Amish way of life and the community’s cultural peculiarities are so different than the typical American lifestyle that it is a source of intrigue for many people.

While the Amish way of life is serious and respectful, it also makes for a great source of humor, as illustrated by the many Amish jokes and puns found here on our website. From the classic “Why did the Amish farmer break up with his girlfriend? She wanted to drive his horse and buggy” to the clever “How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb? None, they use kerosene lamps.”, there’s an Amish joke for every occasion. Whether you’re looking for a quick chuckle or a groan-worthy pun, you’ll find it here.

However, it is important to note that humor should never be at the expense of any group or individual, including the Amish community. And it is also important to be mindful and respectful of the beliefs and traditions of the Amish, while also having a good laugh. We hope our website will be a place where visitors can enjoy some light-hearted humor without crossing any lines of respectability.

Our site is updated regularly with new and hilarious Amish jokes, so be sure to check back often for a fresh batch of puns. In the meantime, feel free to browse through our collection and share your favorites with your friends and family. And remember, when life gives you Amish jokes, make hay!

But don’t just take our word for it, dive in and have a look around! We’re sure you’ll find something that tickles your funny bone and make you feel good. Go on, give it a try

What type of music do Amish people like?

How do you fit 10 Amish in a VW Beetle? Tell them you are going to the livestock auction

How many Amish people does it take to change a lightbulb?

What does an Amish basketball player say during a night game?

This is just a shot in the dark.

What do you call a beautiful girl in an Amish Church? A visitor

Do you know why Amish SUVs get such bad mileage?

Because they’re real grass-guzzlers.

How was copper wire invented? Two Mennonites found a penny

I had a one-night stand with an Amish guy the other week.

He never called me back.

What do the Amish call a DUI?

Horsing around.

Why don’t Amish women wear sleeveless dresses? They refuse to bare arms.

What did the man say when he noticed that there wasn’t any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?

“Shomething’sh Amish…”

What do you get when you cross an Amish man with an octopus?

Don’t know either but it sure can pick corn!

What’s the difference between an Amish boy and a rock? The rock moves faster.

Why was the Amish girl excommunicated?

Too Mennonite.

Why did the Amish woman get pregnant?

Because she was seeing too many Mennonites.

What’s the difference between an Amish girl and a water buffalo? About 12 pounds of hair.

Amish dad outside making butter.

So whose churn is it next?

What’s the difference between a Mennonite girl and Alaska? About three degrees.

How did the Amish know they didn’t prepare their butter right?

It left their stomach churning.

How can you tell if Amish people live on a particular road?

It has a “no outlet” sign.

What types of dishes do they have at an Amish buffet?

Some kind of stoneware.

How do we know that Adam and Eve were Mennonite? Who else would be alone in a garden with a naked woman and be tempted by a piece of fruit?

Do Amish murderers get the acoustic chair?

How do you tell the teams apart in Amish women’s basketball?

It’s skirts versus shins.

What’s an Amish woman’s favorite sexual fantasy? Two Mennonite.

What goes “clip-clop-clip-clop-bang”?

An Amish drive-by.

Why is the Amish Space Program at a stalemate?

Jebediah and the boys just cannot figure out how to get the horses to go vertical.

What do you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horse’s ass? A mechanic.

Jacob wasn’t able to raise the barn in time for the rainy weather.

Amished opportunity, if you ask me.

My parents said I don’t have to come home until the street lights come on.

But we live in an Amish neighborhood so I think they just don’t love me.

How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.

I went to a parade in rural Ohio yesterday and saw a lot of Amish folks.

But I didn’t see anyone that was completely Am.

What was the punishment for the Amish boy who went streaking at school?

He got suspendered.

Why don’t the Amish water ski? Because the horses would drown.

Why is it hard for the Amish to travel?

Their transit system is a little buggy.

What’s the best part of Amish jokes?

That you can put them all over the internet and they will never know.

What’s the shortest book in the world? Amish war heroes.

I conducted an online survey.

And found that out of the world’s population, 0% of people are Amish.

Who is the most bored person among Amish people?

An Amish electrician.

Why did the Amish woman divorce her husband? He was driving her buggy.

Why don’t the Amish drink alcohol?

Because they’re always on the wagon.

My friend wants everyone on earth to convert to the Amish.

Some people just want to watch the world churn.

I was driving down the road today when I saw a sign for fresh Amish cheese that read, “Made with real Amish milk.”

I didn’t even know you could milk the Amish.

What do you call an alien who was exiled from the Amish?

A Mar-shun.

Did you hear about the Amish Flu? There are only two symptoms. First, you get a little hoarse, then you get a little buggy.

What’s an Amish person’s favorite dried fruit?

A barn raisin’.

What do hockey players and Amish girls have in common?

They both take a shower after 3 periods.

Why is fine to cyberbully an Amish rather than in person?

Because they won’t be able to see it.

Did you hear about those Amish who are running wild when the sun goes down?

They’re Amish by day, but Mennonite.

What’s harder than selling ice to an Eskimo?

Selling razors to the Amish.

How can horse farts be useful?

Amish wagon window defrosters!

Why were all the Mennonite youngsters kicked from the local baseball team?

Every time they came to bat it was a swing and Amish.

What is the similarity between a man, a concrete company, baseball, and folks without technology?

A schwing and Amish!

How do the Amish hunt deer?

They sneak up on it and build a barn around it.

Have you heard of the new Amish rapper?

His name is Two Churnz.

What would an Amish person drive if they had a car?

A Volks-wagon.

How do Amish kids take a field trip?

They just go to a different field.

When their horse and buggy break down, who do the Amish call?

Triple Neigh.

Is it true that Amish men can’t motorboat their wives?

Yes, they can only row boat them.

What is your first thought about a home with no internet?

Something is Amish.

They don’t bury an Amish man with his beard.

They bury him with shovels.

What do the Amish people call a jar full of honeybees?

A vibrator.

What do you call a group of Amish witches?

A Dutch coven.

What are Amish children called?

What makes ordinary Gatorade different from Amish Gatorade?

Amish Gatorade has no electric lights.

What did the Amish woman do that got her kicked out of the church?

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number. and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son…

“Son, go get your Mother.”

An Amish family from Pennslyvania decides to go to the Big Apple for the first time in their lives; Mother, Father, and their son. They go into the Empire State Building. As they’re walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered. While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

The Amish family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again. The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful! Paw looks at his son and says, “Quick boy, shove your mother in there!”

In Amish country, a Ferrari is driving. It goes off the road and into a ditch.

The man emerges unscathed and looks at his car in dismay. A few minutes later, an Amish man in a horse and cart passes past. “Would you like any help, English?” asks the Amish man. The man instantly replies he will, and the Amish man swiftly dismounts and attaches his horse to the car. “Okay, Nelly, pull!” The horse is still immobile. “Now, pull, Chester!” Again, the horse does nothing. “Come on, Blacky, pull!”

After a few strides, the horse simply pulls the car out of the ditch and back onto the road. “Woah, Blacky, that’s good!” exclaims the Amish guy, and the horse comes to a halt. “I truly appreciate the assistance, but why did you call that horse by three different names?” the driver asks the Amish man. “Oh,” the Amish man responds,” That horse is blind. He’s easily strong enough to accomplish it, you see, but if he believed he was doing it alone he wouldn’t even try.”

Two fellers were in desperate need of cash but admittedly were a bit cowardly. So the one suggested they break into the Amish market. The logic was that since the Amish were non-resistant, even if they were caught, no harm could befall them. Thus they carried out their plot. However, just as they were breaking into the cash register, the owner turned on the lights and confronted them, a shotgun pointed directly at them. Calmly, the Amishman said, Boys, I would never do thee any harm yet you are standing where I am about to shoot.

When a couple of Amish girls visit New York City, they decide to taste hot dogs for the first time.

They buy two hot dogs wrapped in foil from a street vendor and sit on a nearby bench, eager to experience this new food for the first time.

The first girl opens the foil, blushes with embarrassment, and shyly asks the second girl, “What part of the dog did you get?”

A newcomer to the political scene was campaigning in Amish country for the office of assemblyman. Outside an Amish homestead, he saw a young man and his sheep. He approached the man, ready to make his pitch for a vote.

Just as he was getting started, an old man called from inside the house. “Luke, get in the house. And who is that guy you’re talking to?” “Says he’s a politician, Pop,” Luke said. “In that case, you’d better bring the sheep inside with you.”

So an Amish couple is riding down the road in their horse and buggy during a blizzard.

The woman notices a skunk on the road. “Honey, pull over, he must be freezing!” she says to her husband.

So the husband pulls over, the wife gets out, grabs the skunk, and they continue on their way.

After about 5 minutes, she turns to her husband and says, “He’s still shivering, honey! How should I do?”

The husband replied, “Oh put him up your dress, he’ll be warm then!”

The wife complains, ” Oh honey, what about the smell!”

The husband responds, “Pinch his little nose, he’ll be okay!”

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an open buggy one cold, blustery January day. The daughter said to the mother, “My hands are freezing cold.” The mother replied, “Put your hands between your legs. The body heat will warm them up.” So the daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day, the daughter was riding in the buggy with her boyfriend. The boyfriend said, “My hands are freezing cold.” The daughter said, “Put them between my legs, they’ll warm up.”

The next day, the boyfriend is driving in the buggy with the daughter. He said, “My nose is freezing cold.” The daughter said, “Put it between my legs. It will warm up.” He did, and his nose warmed up. The next day, the boyfriend is driving again with the daughter and he said, “My penis is frozen solid.” The next day, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, “Have you ever heard of a penis?” The slightly concerned mother says, “Sure, why do you ask?” The daughter says, “Well, they make one hell of a mess when they thaw out.

Two Amish ladies are gathering potatoes in a field.

One Amish woman sighs as she holds up two potatoes.

“What’s the matter?” asks the other Amish woman.

“These potatoes remind me of my husband’s testicles,” the first woman remarked.

“Oh, that big?” exclaimed the second lady.

“No, that dirty.”

In the middle of the night, an elderly Amish man wakes up hurriedly.

He goes to the outhouse after realizing he needs to poop and it’s going to be a bad one. He looks around for a magazine or toilet paper once he finishes. He recalled afterward that he had used the last page of the Sears catalog that afternoon. Then, miraculously, he discovers a white glow on the floor. Meanwhile, his wife is lying in bed, puzzled as to what is taking him so long. Finally, the old guy returns and lies down next to his wife. “What took so long?” inquires the elderly lady.

“I had to stop and wash my hands,” says the elderly man.

“In the 50 years we’ve been married, you’ve never washed your hands after using the outhouse.”

With that old old man replies, “well in 50 years I’ve never wiped my ass with a moonbeam either.”

An Amish man is returning home from his wedding in his horse carriage.

The horse comes to a halt in the middle of the road, so the man dismounts. He approaches the horse and says, “horse, that’s one.” He then returns, and the horse resumes its walk. The horse stops again, so he jumps off and punches the horse, saying “horse, that’s two.” His wife is surprised, but he ignores her. When he returns to the carriage, it begins to move again. The horse comes to a halt once more in the middle of the road. The man gets out, approaches the horse, and says, “horse, that’s three,” before shooting the horse to death.

In a pub, an Amish man, a hippie, and Jesus walk in.

An old man at the bar looks at them, shocked, and asks, “Why are three men who are so unlike traveling together?”

“I want to study the practices of the Amish to be free of materialism,” says the Hippie.

“I’ve lost trust in my people,” the Amish man continues, “and I want to study the ancient ways of Christ.”

“I go where I’m needed,” Jesus says.

“OK, it makes sense,” the old man says, “but how did you meet?”

“I was strolling down this stretch of road because my van broke down,” the Hippie explains.

“This was the only road to take when I left my community,” the Amish guy explains.

“I go where I’m needed,” Jesus responds.

“Well, why did you decide to come into this bar?” the old man asks again.

“I go where the Amish man goes,” says the Hippie.

“I follow Jesus,” says the Amish man.

Still perplexed, the old man turns to Jesus and asks, “Well, why are you needed here?”

“My shift starts at 5,” Jesus sighs.

Three Amish women are gathering potatoes in a field.

Jake, Jacob, and Jakey are the names of their husbands. They were usually perplexed. So they decided to give them a nickname one day. Mabel suggested that they be named after soda pop, to which the other two replied, “What do you mean?” Mabel decided she’d go first, saying, “I’ll call my Jacob 7-Up since he has 7 inches and it’s always up.” Oh, the other two adored this concept. “I’ll call my Jake Mountain Dew because he takes me to the mountain and he sure can do me,” Ella added next. They all laughed. Margaret, the previous lady, pauses for a moment before saying, “I’ll call my husband Jack Daniels.”

“That’s not a soda pop, that’s liquor,” Mabel replied. Margaret exclaimed, “That’s my Jakey!”

An Amish lady is pulled over by an officer.

“I’m not going to cite you,” the officer stated. “I just wanted to let you know that the back reflector on your buggy is damaged and could be unsafe.”

“I thank thee,” the Amish lady said. “I’ll have my husband fix it as soon as I get home.”

“I also saw one of your horse’s reins is wrapped around his testicles,” the officer added. Some people may consider this cruelty to animals, so you should have your husband look into it as well.”

“I thank you once more. When I go home, I’ll have my husband double-check this.”

When the Amish lady returned home, she told her husband about the damaged reflector. He promised to put on a fresh one right away.

“The policeman also claimed there was something wrong with the emergency brake,” the Amish woman added.

How many men does it take to make an Amish woman happy?

3 men a night.

Amish Pick-Up Lines:

Would you like to see my well?

Do you come to this barn often?

Does your field need plowing?

Why don’t you come by around 8, bring a fresh bottle of buttermilk, and we’ll sit silently amongst my large family?

I’d totally get shunned for you.

I own many acres of fertile land in Pennsylvania

Will you churn my butter for me?

When we’re not together I churn for you.

Want to raise a barn with me? It builds community.

That modestly drab brown dress really brings out your eyes.

This quilting bee is turning into a quilting zzzzz. Wanna take a ride in my buggy, instead?

What’s crazy about the Amish strip club?

It was bonnetless.

I like sleeping with Amish women.

That way I don’t have to call the next day

The sign behind an Amish carriage: “Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on grass and oats. CAUTION: Avoid exhaust!”

I just made a scathing video mocking the Amish

I can’t wait till they see it

You have just received the Amish virus. Since we have no electricity or computers, you are on the honor system. Please forward this message to everyone in your address book and then delete all files on your hard drive.

Where do you take an amish kid for their birthday party?

Build-A-Barn

What does a police officer in rural Pennsylvania say when he sees suspicious behavior?

“Hmm, something’s Amish here.”

What did one Amish guy say to another Amish guy?

Oh man, Amished you so much!

What do you call an Amish Vampire?

A Pennsylvania Dutch with a Transylvania Touch.

Looking for More Funny Jokes

Thanks for stopping by and checking out our hilarious collection of jokes! But don’t leave just yet – we’ve got plenty more laughs in store for you. Keep browsing our website for even more rib-tickling jokes, puns, and one-liners that will have you grinning from ear to ear. So stick around and explore because with our vast selection of funny content, you will surely find something that will tickle your funny bone.

110+ Hilarious Amish Jokes

Explore the comedic twist of the infamous Amish Mafia with these Amish Mafia Jokes! From horse farts to Mennonite connections, laugh at the unexpected humor in an unlikely reality show.

Whether you’re familiar with Amish traditions or just seeking a good laugh, these jokes offer a delightful glimpse into the comedic side of a community that is often associated with simplicity and tradition.

Funny Amish Jokes

1) My wife was going to give my son an Amish hat, but I warned him that it was a dangerous weapon.

2) According to a recent survey, 91% of people are satisfied with their lives.

3) The other 9% consists of Amish people who prefer a simpler lifestyle.

4) I took the broken car back to the shop. They put an Amish sign on it and now it’s back!

5) Why are Amish farmers crossing the road? I thought about riding the horse forward.

6) If you bet on the Amish, maybe the “buggy” is on your side.

7) Are you afraid of fire? Spend time in the Amish community, they are always healthy there.

8) The Amish don’t always make baked goods, but when they do, they usually make household items.

9) I put the Amish symbol on it and the plane now refuses to land.

10) If you are happy for the Amish, may your banks be full and your fields be fertile.

11)  When spending time in the Amish community they all talk about healing.

12) Amish bakers don’t always make pastries, but when they do, they often create a variety.

13) I painted the Amish sign on the wagon and now it won’t stop rolling

I returned the broken butter to the store. 

14) They added Amish characters and now it’s time to get moving again!

15) Are you afraid of fire? Spend some time in an Amish barn where they can’t catch anything.

16) I painted an Amish sign on the wagon and it won’t stop rolling.

17) Amish people don’t always make desserts, but when they do, it’s usually homemade.

18) I put the Amish sign on the plane and now it refuses to land. 

19)  Unless you’re Amish and it’s not a pitchfork, there’s nothing hanging from your belt.

20)  You can tell a lot about someone by the color of their straw hat.

21) If you don’t succeed at first, pick up the pitchfork and try again.

22) The Amish Convention should be held on May 4th. It’s the perfect day to celebrate barn raising!

23) Stones and rocks break my bones, but a well-made car won’t hurt me.

Funny Amish Mafia Jokes

24) I heard that Ezekiel Yoder is big enough to cover the entire area itself.

25) Your mother was so talented with a needle that she was related to Betsy Ross.

26) One cannot truly become Amish until one is ready to enter the barn.

27) Roses are red, barns are blue, and if you don’t like the Amish, there’s something wrong with you.

28) I put the brute in the barn and he went down like a pro.

29) I don’t mean to sound harsh, but all Amish quilts look nice to me too.

30) Gluten-free I don’t like Amish food…they’re too ordinary.

31) I have Amish cookies today. It tastes good but the crust is a bit rustic.

32)  If Ezekiel were Amish again, he would be a churn.

33) Dear Barn Builder, Are you bothering me because I didn’t marry Jacob

34) Your mother always makes sure that the entire Yoder family consults her before making a decision.

35) Be nice to Jacob, or he’ll add your name to the quilting list tonight.

36) Not all farmers carry pitchforks, some just “miss”.

37) Yes, my mother can’t afford it so she hired Jebediah as the restaurant manager.

38) Yes, my mother can’t afford it so she hired Jebediah as the restaurant manager. Elijah saw the world in black and white until he was invited to a bank.

39) This is why I don’t use Rebecca Rumspringa. I heard all the young Amish live in Lancaster, which might be a bit of a lie.

40) It’s a strange time when you start to enjoy the simple life.

41) “Do you want to be my greenhouse owner? Because I’m a breeder!”

42) “My heart seems to have been chosen by a good stable owner, and you’re the keeper of that house.”

43) “Wow, when I say “Fly, fly”, I don’t want you to come buzzing right away.” flies have no time.”

44) “When I visit your community, I will remember to cut my hand and grow your beard neatly.”

45) “Let’s get together Let’s practice Barn Raising Tips. You can be a light and I can hit you however I want! “

Really Funny Amish Jokes

46)  Why did the Amish Mafia rob the bank?  To get some cash for their horse and buggy.

47)  What do you call an Amish Mafia member with a broken arm and a broken leg?  A trusty.

48)  Why do Amish women avoid wearing sleeveless dresses? They don’t want to bare arms.

49)  What is a beautiful girl called in an Amish church?  A guest, not a visitor.

50)   What led to the Amish woman’s divorce?  Her husband was driving her buggy.

51)  What sound does an Amish drive-by shooting make?  Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, bang bang bang.

52)  Why didn’t the Ex-Amish guy clean his new car of all the dead insects?  He was used to his transportation being a little buggy.

53)  Why don’t Amish people water ski? Their horses might drown.

54)  Did you hear about the Amish man who was afraid of elevators?  He was Amish-stepped.

55)  Why did the Amish man cross the road?  To get to the other barn.

56)  Why don’t the Amish have phones?  They prefer to telegraph.

57)  What do you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horse’s butt?  A mechanic.

58)  What do you get when you cross a computer with an Amish guy?  A machine that makes rumble strips.

59)  Why did the Amish man refuse to buy a new house?  He didn’t want to move.

60)   Why did the Amish guy refuse to have a vasectomy?  He didn’t want to be too modern.

61)  What do you call an Amish man with a cell phone?  A hypocrite.

62)  Why did the Amish guy refuse to use the internet?  He didn’t want to get lost in the world wide web.

63)   What do you call an Amish guy with a beard?  Amish-beard.

64)  Why don’t Amish men wear watches?  They prefer to watch their cows.

65)  What do you call an Amish man who’s lost his horse and buggy? Amish-missing.

66)  What genre of music do the Amish prefer?  Classical or Folk music, as modern technology is forbidden.

67)  Why do Amish people have difficulty with transportation?  Their modes of transportation are limited to horse-drawn carriages, which can be slower and less convenient than modern cars.

68)  What is the term for an Amish person who is skilled at caring for horses?  A horseman or a farrier.

Funny Jokes About Amish

69) “Let’s have fun, this house is amazing. I want to ride the dirt bike and stir some butter together!”

70) “It’s like being ostracized by society without you! “

71) “You have two options. Tonight: come experience the simplicity of love and harmony with me, Go with him and you’ll be seduced by the British world! “

72) “My beard? 12 inches, uncut, hard.” 

73) “You don’t have to say “Shh, ya” to make me angry.”

74) “Let’s have a tent contest. Protect you when you enter the secret library of my butter.”

75) “Is your name Rebecca? Because you are about to receive a blessing! 

76) “I have two apples and a fabric, do you want to share?”

77) “I used to look at the stars in the restaurant, but now I can look into your eyes!”

78) “I don’t know. I don’t need a mirror to know that the only thing I need is you.”

79) “Baby, are you the fastest car on the farm? Because you knock me out!”

80) “I’m Amish heaven to me.”

“Come here and I’ll show you the real kind of barn raising training.”

81) (Compared to your bank) “This is the door to love. When you enter, you will experience a dream world never seen before.

82) Your presence is like a comfort. like a warm blanket on a cold night.”

83) “Spending time with you is like spending a nice, peaceful time.” You bring light to my life like a light in the dark sky.”

84) “Your good heart shines like the sun breaking through the clouds on a rainy day. “

85) “Your laughter is as joyful as the sound of a child playing in the grass.”

86) “Just being near you fills my heart with the community I see in the Amish barns.”

Clever Amish Jokes

87)  What’s the preferred type of raisin for an Amish person?  The answer is a barn raisin’.

88)  How do you refer to an Amish man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?  He’s a mechanic in the making.

89)  What is the reason why Amish people refrain from using electricity?  They believe electric lights would interfere with their intimacy.

90)  How does Amish Gatorade differ from the regular one?  Amish Gatorade is free of electric lighting.

91)  Why did the Amish woman get banished from her community?  She was caught sleeping with two Mennonite men.

92)  What is the best way to impregnate an Amish girl?  Find two Mennonite men.

93)  How can you spot an alcoholic among the Amish?  They keep falling off the wagon.

94)  How many Amish people does it take to change a light bulb?  None, as they don’t use light bulbs.

95)  Why was the Amish girl kicked out of her house?  She was too friendly with Mennonite men.

96)   Why do Amish people practice birth control?  To prevent the spread of Abes.

97)  Why did the former Amish man not clean the dead insects off his new car?  He was used to his old buggy.

98)  Have you heard about the Amish people who turn wild after sunset? They’re Amish by day, but Mennonite by night.

99)  What was the punishment for the Amish boy who streaked at school?  He was suspended by his suspenders.

100)   How many men are needed to satisfy an Amish woman?  She needs three men per night.

101)  What creates the sound of clip clop clip clop peng peng clip clop?  It’s the noise of an Amish drive-by shooting.

102)  Why do Amish men make good horse mechanics?  They know their way around a horse’s insides.

103)  Have you heard Amish techno music?  It’s like nothing you’ve ever heard before.

104)  Do you know why the Amish refrain from drinking alcohol?  They prefer to stay on the wagon.

105)  What is an Amish person’s favorite type of raisin?  A barn raisin.

106)  How is Amish Gatorade different from regular Gatorade?  It’s made without electricity.

107)  What do you call an Amish drive-by shooting?  Pataclop, pataclop, pataclop, ratatata, pataclop, pataclop.

108)   What is the proper term for Amish children?  Not omelettes, but rather Amish youngsters.

109)   How would you describe a group of Amish witches?  A Dutch coven, of course.

110)   Do you know the title of the shortest book in the world? It’s Amish War Heroes.

111)   What is the difference between an Amish girl and a water buffalo? About 12 pounds of hair, give or take.

112)  Why do Amish women avoid wearing sleeveless dresses?  They don’t want to bare arms.

Some Final Words

In conclusion, these Amish jokes showcase the lighter side of a community known for its simplicity. Whether it’s clever wordplay, unexpected punchlines, or humorous observations about Amish life and traditions, these jokes bring joy and laughter to all. Enjoy the clever humor and unexpected twists that make these Amish jokes truly memorable!

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Curious United

Amish Jokes

Why did the amish woman divorce her husband.

Because he was driving her buggy.

When an Amish buggy breaks down on the side of the road, who do they call?

Why was the amish girl kicked out of her community.

Too Mennonite

Why was the Amish girl excommunicated?

Two men a night.

How do you make an Amish woman happy?

Three Men-A-Night

What's the difference between the Amish and a Ferrari?

About 568 horses.

What do you call a cute girl in an Amish church?

Where do amish people go to get medicine.

To the farmacy.

Why isn't Kanye West allowed in rural Pennsylvania?

An Amish with a tool, you know that's unheard of.

What did the Amish IT guy say about the computer?

It was a bit buggy.

How many Amish people does it take to change a lightbulb?

What do all Amish women want?

2 Mennonite.

Why don't the Amish waterski?

The horses would drown. Ba-dum TISH

Why don't Amish people water ski?

Because their horses would drown.

What do all Amish girls want?

Two Mennonite

Why was the Amish girl excommunicated ?

Too Mennonite." - Hitchens

How do you tell the teams apart in Amish women's basketball?

It's skirts versus shins.

What goes clop, clop, bang bang bangbangbang!clop,clop,clop?

An amish driveby

How do you castrate an Amish man?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?

A mechanic.

What is every Amish woman's dream?

Two Mennonite.

How are the Mafia and the Amish similar?

They both don't like wires

How do you please an Amish woman?

Give her two Mennonite

What's the most played song at Amish parties?

Churn Down For What

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's arse?

What do you call a group of amish children.

Amlets. (I'll see myself out)

Why should you always invite Amish people to a party?

They know how to raise the roof.

How many Amish guys does it take it satisfy an Amish whore?

Two men-a-night!

Why did the Amish woman get pregnant?

Because she was seeing too many Mennonite.

How many men does it take to get an Amish woman pregnant?

Two men a nite.

Why was the Amish girl shunned?

Too Mennonite.

What does an Amish drive by shooting sound like?

clop clop clop, bang bang, clop clop clop*

How many Amish guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One... I mean, they aren't fucking retarded.

You might also enjoy:

What's the difference between the united states and a yogurt.

That after 200 years, a yogurt can actually build a community. Haha, happy late 4th of July.

What did the community do when there was an injustice involving law enforcement?

Black people took to the streets. White people took it to Reddit and complained about how nobody is doing anything about it.

How many eskimos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. Obviously.

How many bugs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, as long as they can find a way in.

How fast are black people allowed to go on the highway?

25 to Life.

Why do hockey players always make terrible birthday cakes?

Because icing is not allowed.

What do you mean I can't change the past?

logs on to Wikipedia*

How many light bulbs does it take to change a man?

Just one, if you put it in the right place.

Why do you when you sign to a Dating site ?

A: More bang for your buck !!!! (Wow, that was bad)

What did Marily Monroe and Lee Harvey Oswald have in common?

They both banged JFK

What goes "Clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, BANG, clip clop, clip clop"?

Amish drive by shooting.

What makes the sound 'Clip clop bang clip clop'?

An Amish drive-by

Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?

Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? A: Because he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing the chickens.

Why do hummingbirds hum?

They don't know the words.

Amish Jokes – Laughter from Simpler Times

7 November 2023

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By Delaney Jameson

Amish jokes offer a window into a world where simplicity reigns and technology is a road not taken. Why do these jokes tickle our funny bone? Perhaps it’s the charm of envisioning a life where the hustle of modernity is replaced with the clip-clop of horse-drawn buggies.

Or maybe it’s the sheer novelty of a lifestyle so different from our own, where a ‘buggy’ isn’t a glitch in the latest app, but a real mode of transport.

These jests aren’t just about the punchlines; they’re a playful nudge to our fast-paced lives, reminding us of a community that thrives on the basics. So, ready for a chuckle that’s as refreshing as a day without your phone’s constant pings?

Let’s dive into the humor that bridges two worlds with a smile and a light heart, where the only ‘streaming’ involves a tranquil creek and not a video binge.

Funny Amish Jokes & Puns

Why did the Amish man break up with his girlfriend? She kept leaving the butter churn on.

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth? A dentist.

How do Amish kids play telephone? With two tin cans and a really long string.

Why don’t Amish teens text? Because you can’t charge a cell phone with a wood stove.

What’s an Amish person’s favorite type of music? Barn & Bass.

How do you save an Amish computer from a virus? Turn off the barn light.

Why was the Amish school teacher fired? For using a ruler with inches on it.

What’s an Amish outlaw’s getaway vehicle? A speedy horse and a sturdy buggy.

Why don’t Amish people become electricians? They prefer to stay current with tradition.

How do Amish celebrate a job well done? They raise the roof. Literally.

What’s an Amish traffic jam? Three buggies at a four-way stop, all refusing to go first.

Why did the Amish man become a baker? He was a pro at rolling dough.

What’s an Amish party like? Off the grid and out of this world.

Why don’t Amish use elevators? They never want to escalate things.

How do Amish spies communicate? By non-electric mail.

What’s an Amish mechanic’s favorite tool? A horse wrench.

Why did the Amish woman open a window? To get some fresh air conditioning.

What do you call an Amish guy with a sheep under each arm? A playboy.

Why did the Amish man get a ladder? He wanted to upgrade his social network.

What’s an Amish millionaire’s favorite game? Monopoly, but only with real estate.

How do you find an Amish burglar? Look for the man shunning alarms.

What’s an Amish gentleman’s favorite drink? A non-electric mixer.

Why did the Amish man use a candle at noon? He wanted to save daylight.

How do Amish people dry their clothes? They air their laundry in public.

What’s an Amish computer’s favorite data? Horse bytes.

Why did the Amish girl become a comedian? She could churn out the jokes.

What’s an Amish farmer’s favorite movie? Field of Dreams, but only if they build it.

How do Amish people watch a movie? They don’t; they act it out.

What’s an Amish person’s favorite magic trick? Turning the lights off without a switch.

Why did the Amish man go to school? To get a higher education, one floor at a time.

What’s an Amish mobster’s threat? I’ll rearrange your furniture.

How do Amish people get high? On a hayloft.

What’s an Amish person’s favorite workout? Raising barns.

Why don’t Amish people get lost in thought? Too many open fields.

What’s an Amish person’s favorite type of story? A barnyard tale.

How do Amish people take a selfie? With a well-placed mirror.

What’s an Amish person’s favorite energy drink? A fresh glass of milk.

Why did the Amish man buy a boat? He heard about the new “streaming” service.

How do Amish people send a risky text? They use a carrier pigeon with attitude.

What’s an Amish hacker’s favorite activity? Buggy-jacking.

Amish Knock Knock Joke

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Amos. Amos who? A mosquito bit me, we need a screen door!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Andy. Andy who? Andy cow goes moo!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Owen. Owen who? Owen the saints go marching in without tech!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like to churn butter by hand?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Just in time for the barn raising!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sawyer. Sawyer who? Sawyer lights off, thought I’d drop by.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Don. Don who? Don you wish your buggy was fast like mine?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Isabelle. Isabelle who? Isabelle necessary on a bicycle?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the quilt, you bring the pies!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good place we can get some shoo-fly pie?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Abe. Abe who? Abe-autiful day to plow the fields, isn’t it?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ivan. Ivan who? Ivan-tually we’ll need to light the lanterns.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hugo. Hugo who? Hugo and tell the community we’re meeting here.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jess. Jess who? Jess me and my horse, stopping by.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Otto. Otto who? Otto know what time the quilting bee starts?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? June. June who? June know any good Amish carpenters?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s too cold out here for the chickens!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? Butter churn quietly, babies are sleeping!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Willie. Willie who? Willie be having stew again tonight?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Henrietta. Henrietta who? Henrietta lot of pies, and now I’m full!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ima. Ima who? Ima bit lost, is this the way to the barn dance?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Eileen. Eileen who? Eileen over too far and fell out of the buggy!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tara. Tara who? Tara part the old barn today?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes the way we wash our clothes, by hand!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wanda. Wanda who? Wanda come help me milk the cows?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up, the cows won’t milk themselves!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candice. Candice who? Candice be the right road for Lancaster?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nellie. Nellie who? Nellie down, we need to pray before supper.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stan. Stan who? Stan back, I’m about to light the lantern!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive the simple life, don’t you?

Amish Jokes One Liners

Amish GPS is just asking for directions at the last horse you passed.

You know you’re Amish when your idea of a mixed drink is water with lemon.

An Amish electrician is just a guy who lights a candle.

Amish hackers go for the buggy whip instead of the firewall.

If an Amish person goes bad, do they turn into English?

Speeding in Amish country means going oatmeal to buggy in 60 seconds.

An Amish comedian’s best asset? A dry, wit sense of humor.

You’re not truly Amish until you’ve been in a barn-raising flash mob.

Amish dating sites match you up by beard length.

An Amish man’s favorite movie? “Gone with the Windmill.”

Amish thrill-seekers go bungee jumping with homemade ropes.

An Amish traffic light is just a lantern with three different colored panes.

Amish ninjas are the ones you can see because they refuse to wear black.

An Amish paradox: if you stand still, you’re probably moving too fast for them.

Amish bank heists involve a horse, a buggy, and a very slow getaway.

An Amish selfie stick is just a really long arm.

Amish people don’t play hide and seek; they play hide and go quilt.

An Amish phone call is just shouting across the farm.

Amish people don’t get grounded; they get barned.

An Amish burglar’s favorite tool? A crowbar… for the crows, of course.

Amish people don’t have power struggles; they have quilt battles.

An Amish man’s idea of Bluetooth is eating blueberry pie without a fork.

Amish people don’t have bucket lists; they have milk pails.

An Amish hotspot is just a really warm spot by the fireplace.

Amish people don’t ghost you; they just give you the silent treatment wagon.

An Amish man’s favorite key on the keyboard? The space bar, because it’s the simplest.

Amish people don’t have car alarms; they have very vocal horses.

An Amish man’s favorite type of investment? Barn bonds.

Amish people don’t have drive-thrus; they have ride-throughs.

An Amish man’s favorite coding language? “Hay-HTML.”

Amish Electrician Jokes

An Amish electrician’s tool kit is just a pair of rubber gloves.

Ask an Amish electrician for a wire and he’ll hand you a clothesline.

Amish electricians are great at circuit training – they just walk around the barn.

You don’t need a voltmeter when your best tester is a horse’s nose.

An Amish electrician’s favorite band? AC/DC, but only the acoustic covers.

Why did the Amish electrician get fired? He refused to conduct himself properly.

An Amish electrician’s idea of a power trip is a long buggy ride.

Why don’t Amish electricians use surge protectors? They count on lightning to be plain, too.

An Amish electrician’s favorite movie? “The Current War,” but only for the candle scenes.

Why do Amish electricians make terrible thieves? They can’t take charge.

An Amish electrician’s first rule: If it ain’t broke, don’t electrify it.

Why did the Amish electrician close his shop? Because business wasn’t lightening up.

An Amish electrician’s favorite superhero? The Flash, but only when he’s standing still.

Why did the Amish electrician go to school? To learn how to open a circuit with his mind.

An Amish electrician’s dream vacation? A trip to the static electricity exhibit.

Why did the Amish electrician carry a lantern? For when he needed to throw some light on a problem.

An Amish electrician’s favorite joke? Anything that doesn’t involve a shocker.

Why did the Amish electrician turn down a job? He couldn’t find a socket for his horse.

An Amish electrician’s motto? “Resistance is not futile; it’s lifestyle.”

Why did the Amish electrician sit in the dark? He was waiting for a bright idea.

An Amish electrician’s favorite dance move? The electric slide, but only on a non-conductive floor.

Why did the Amish electrician love lightning bugs? They were the only bulbs he could screw in.

An Amish electrician’s biggest problem? Diagnosing a blackout.

Why did the Amish electrician carry a candle? Because you can’t dim the sun.

An Amish electrician’s favorite day of the week? Sun-day, for natural light.

Why did the Amish electrician study astronomy? To improve his nightlight.

An Amish electrician’s favorite game? Sparks, but only with flint and steel.

Why did the Amish electrician refuse to wear a watch? He wasn’t concerned about current time.

An Amish electrician’s favorite fish? Electric eel, but only in stories.

Why did the Amish electrician bring a ladder to work? He heard it was time to elevate his career.

Amish Beard Jokes

Amish beards are like gardens – the longer they grow, the more likely they are to attract birds.

Why did the Amish man grow a beard? Razors are too cutting-edge.

An Amish man’s beard is the only thing he won’t plow straight.

Beards are Amish face warmers for those brisk buggy rides.

Why don’t Amish men play hide and seek? Beards always give them away.

An Amish man without a beard is like a plow without a horse.

Why did the Amish man’s beard win an award? It was outstanding in its field.

Amish men don’t get five o’clock shadows; they get five o’clock barns.

Why was the Amish beard sad? It was always the last one to get the joke.

An Amish man’s beard never gets lonely; it’s always hanging out with his chin.

Why don’t Amish beards get lost? They always follow the jawline home.

An Amish man’s beard is his personal growth chart.

Why don’t Amish men trim their beards? They don’t believe in close shaves.

An Amish beard is like a bumper sticker for the face.

Why did the Amish man talk to his beard? He needed some sage advice.

Amish men don’t count sheep to sleep; they count beard hairs.

Why did the Amish man’s beard look surprised? It was a shock of hair.

An Amish man’s beard is the only thing he doesn’t mind going wild.

Why did the Amish beard cross the road? To prove it wasn’t chicken.

Amish beards don’t cover double chins; they cover strong jawlines.

Why did the Amish man’s beard stop growing? It reached the end of its tether.

An Amish man’s beard is his face’s way of going organic.

Why do Amish beards look so serious? They’re contemplating the grain.

Amish men don’t wear ties; their beards do the neck-warming.

Why did the Amish man’s beard enter the race? To get a running start on the day.

An Amish man’s beard is his face’s best crop.

Why are Amish beards like cornfields? They both enjoy a good hoe-down.

Amish beards aren’t itchy; they’re just getting to know your face.

Why did the Amish beard get promoted? It was the upper management of the chin.

An Amish man’s beard is the only thing that gets stroked more than his ego.

I’m Delaney Jameson, the soul behind inspiremymantra.com! As a healing expert, writer, and self-growth enthusiast, I’ve made it my mission to share my passion for affirmations and personal transformation with the world.

Through life’s ups and downs, I’ve discovered the power of healing and self-discovery. With every challenge, I’ve grown stronger, wiser, and more connected to my authentic self. This journey led me to create inspiremymantra.com, a space where I can share the lessons, love, and light that have transformed my life.

Join me as we explore the magic of affirmations, embrace self-improvement, and create the lives we’ve always dreamed of – one mantra at a time. Let’s grow together and unleash our full potential!

Whale Jokes – Laughter Deep as the Ocean

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120+ Amish Jokes A Light-hearted Collection of One-liners

Introduction:.

When it comes to humor, everyone enjoys a good laugh, and that includes the Amish community. In the spirit of good-natured fun, we’ve compiled a list of Amish jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone.

These light-hearted one-liners playfully embrace the unique aspects of Amish culture, without causing any offense. So, let’s dive into this collection of Amish   humor and share some hearty laughs!

Read More: Jokes about museums

Amish Jokes for a Chuckle:

• Why did the Amish person bring a ladder to the bakery? They heard the pies were sky-high!
• How do Amish people organize a party? They plan a “barn” raiser!
• What do you call an Amish person with a pet dog? A heretic!
• Why did the Amish person start a singing group? They wanted to be known as “The No-Electricity Boys”!
• How do Amish people make coffee? They use a French “press”!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite type of music? Bluegrass, of course!
• Why don’t Amish people use cell phones? They can’t find a good signal in the fields!
• What did the Amish farmer say to the horse that kept falling asleep on the job? “Stop horsing around!”
• Why did the Amish family bring a ladder to the horse race? They wanted to bet on the “step ladder”!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite board game? “Settlers of Catan” – it’s all about farming!
• How do Amish people stay cool in the summer? They have a “fan-tastic” time sitting on the porch.
• What do you call an Amish person’s favorite tool? A “manual” labor device!
• Why did the Amish person become a carpenter? They wanted to build a better life from scratch!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite kind of math? “Add-mish” and subtraction!
• Why did the Amish person become a comedian? They heard it was a “cordless” profession!
• How do Amish people make popcorn? They hold it over the bonfire and wait for the “pop”!
• Why did the Amish person become a tailor? They wanted to “sew” something special!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite exercise? Buggy-riding, it’s the original hybrid vehicle!
• Why did the Amish person become a detective? They were good at “unplugging” mysteries!
• What do you call an Amish person who tells jokes in secret? A “whispered humorist”!
• How do Amish people keep track of time? They use a “rooster” as an alarm clock!
• Why did the Amish person become a weather forecaster? They could predict rain just by looking at the sky!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite way to communicate? “Pigeon mail” – no emails here!
• Why did the Amish person become a gardener? They wanted to be in “plowful” surroundings!
• How do Amish people keep their milk cold? They have a “cow-ld” storage room!
• What do you call an Amish person with a green thumb? A “crop artist”!
• Why did the Amish person start a bakery? They kneaded the dough for success!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite type of literature? “Rural” poetry, of course!
• Why did the Amish person become a chef? They wanted to make the best homemade “butter” chicken!
• How do Amish people enjoy ice cream without electricity? They use “hand-cranked” machines!
• Why did the Amish person become a librarian? They wanted to organize their life without technology!
• How do Amish people handle traffic jams? They let the horses set the pace!
• What do you call an Amish person at a disco? A square dancer!
• Why did the Amish person start a candle-making business? They wanted to shed some light on their future!
• How do Amish people give directions? “Turn left at the big red barn, then right at the other big red barn!”
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite kind of pie? “Homemade” apple pie, of course!
• Why did the Amish person start a photography club? They loved the idea of capturing moments without electricity!
• How do Amish people celebrate birthdays? With a barn-raising party!
• What do you call an Amish person with a sense of adventure? A “trail-blazer” in their community!
• Why did the Amish person become a blacksmith? They wanted to forge a strong future!
• How do Amish people enjoy movies? They have “barn” screenings with a white sheet and a projector!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite type of art? “Quilt” painting, known for its intricate designs!
• Why did the Amish person become a beekeeper? They loved the idea of “buzzing” around the countryside!
• How do Amish people fix a leaky roof? They pray for sunny days!
• What do you call an Amish person’s favorite game? “Hide and Seek” in the cornfield!
• Why did the Amish person become a farmer? They had a “field” of dreams!
• How do Amish people communicate long-distance? With “horse-erriers” delivering messages!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite season? “Harvest” time, when the hard work pays off!

Read More: Jokes up carts

Amish Jokes Keeping It Light and Funny:

• Why did the Amish person become a baker? They kneaded a purpose in life!
• How do Amish people stay in shape? By lifting bales of hay instead of weights!
• What do you call an Amish person’s favorite gadget? A “manual” typewriter, for traditional writing!
• Why did the Amish person start a woodworking business? They saw the potential for creativity in every piece of wood!
• How do Amish people keep their clothes fresh? They hang them out to dry in the sun and wind!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite way to unwind? A relaxing evening by the bonfire!
• Why did the Amish person become a schoolteacher? They believed in teaching the basics without distractions!
• How do Amish people pick apples? By hand, with ladders and baskets!
• What do you call an Amish person’s favorite mode of transportation? A “buggy” ride, for sure!
• Why did the Amish person start a quilt-making club? They had a passion for creating warmth and beauty!
• How do Amish people prepare for winter? They stock up on firewood and warm blankets!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite place to relax? The peaceful porch, with a rocking chair!
• Why did the Amish person become a potter? They wanted to mold their future with their own hands!
• How do Amish people enjoy music? With acoustic instruments and soulful singing!
• What do you call an Amish person’s favorite dessert? “Homemade” cherry pie!
• Why did the Amish person become a cobbler? They enjoyed making “sole”-ful footwear!
• How do Amish people heat their homes? With wood-burning stoves and plenty of firewood!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite winter pastime? Ice skating on frozen ponds!
• Why did the Amish person become a basket weaver? They saw beauty in simplicity!
• How do Amish people decorate for holidays? With handmade ornaments and candles!
• What do you call an Amish person’s favorite book? “The Simple Life,” of course!
• Why did the Amish person start a dairy farm? They wanted to milk life for all it’s worth!
• How do Amish people cook without modern appliances? With wood-burning stoves and cast-iron pots!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite type of candy? Homemade “molasses” taffy!
• Why did the Amish person become a weaver? They loved creating intricate patterns with thread!
• How do Amish people celebrate holidays? With community gatherings and homemade feasts!
• What do you call an Amish person’s favorite bird? A “barn” owl, a symbol of wisdom!
• Why did the Amish person become a basket weaver? They believed in the art of crafting!
• How do Amish people relax after a long day of work? With a good book and a cozy quilt!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite way to spend a sunny day? Tending to their gardens!
• Why did the Amish person become a farmer? They felt a connection to the land and its bounty!
• How do Amish people appreciate nature’s beauty? With quiet walks through the countryside!

Read More: Air fryer jokes

Hearty Laughs with Amish Humor:

Jokes about flip flops

Conclusion:

Humor knows no boundaries, and it’s essential to find joy in life’s little quirks and differences. The Amish jokes presented here are light-hearted and meant to be enjoyed in the spirit of fun and laughter.

Remember, laughter is a universal language that can bring people from all walks of life together.

Are these Amish jokes meant to be offensive?

Not at all. These jokes are intended to be light-hearted and are in no way meant to offend anyone. They simply playfully embrace aspects of Amish culture for humor.

Can I share these jokes with my Amish friends?

Of course! These jokes are meant to be enjoyed by everyone, including the Amish. Laughter is a universal joy.

Can Amish people enjoy these jokes too?

Absolutely! These jokes are meant to be enjoyed by everyone, including the Amish community. Laughter transcends cultural boundaries, and these light-hearted jokes are meant to bring smiles to people of all backgrounds.

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Home » 111+ Churning Up Laughter Amish Puns to Brighten Your Day

111+ Churning Up Laughter Amish Puns to Brighten Your Day

What do you get when you cross a farmer with a comedian? A hilarious collection of Amish puns! These wordplays have been making people chuckle for generations, especially in the United States, where the Amish community has a strong presence.

Whether you’re a fan of clean humor or just appreciate a good joke, this article is for you. We’ve compiled 111+ of the best Amish puns around, organized into different categories so you can easily find your favorites. So sit back, grab a bag of popcorn , and let’s get started churning up some laughter!

Table of Contents

What are Amish puns?

Before we dive into the puns themselves, let’s define what we mean by “Amish puns.” It’s no secret that the Amish community is known for its traditional way of life , which includes dressing in plain clothing, living without electricity , and using horse-drawn buggies for transportation.

Amish puns, then, play off of these stereotypes and often involve wordplay based on traditional Amish activities or beliefs. For example:

• “Why did the Amish guy refuse anesthesia for his surgery? He wanted to experience the full pain of technology!”
• “What do you call an Amish guy with a cell phone? Rumspringa Rebel.”

Now that we’ve established what we’re talking about, let’s get into the fun stuff: the puns themselves.

Best Short Amish Puns

• I’m not Amish, but I’d love to try some of that churned butter.
• Did you hear the one about the Amish woman who never cooked? It was an a-meish-dish effort.
• What do you get when you combine the Amish with an infomercial? Barn in a Box.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to pay for his electricity bill? He thought it was shocking.
• What do you call an Amish guy with his arm stuck in a milking machine? An udder disaster.
• Why did the Amish man buy a smartphone? He wanted to be able to “raise barns” by himself.
• What do you call a group of Amish people running a marathon? The Butter Runners.
• Why did the Amish guy build his own car? He wanted a vehicle that was barn-made.
• What do you call an Amish man with a piece of straw in his mouth? A farmer’s smile.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to use elevators? Because he didn’t want to get a rise out of anyone.
• Why do Amish people make bad musicians? They have a bad case of churn-tourette’s.
• Why did the Amish woman join the army? To get a barn and a bed, all in one.
• What do you call an Amish man with no friends? Amish-alone.
• Why don’t Amish people use power tools? They prefer to keep things old-school.
• Why did the Amish man hide his food under his hat? Because he wanted to have a secret s-raisin.
• What do you get when you cross an Amish person with a giant bird? A quack-a-doodle-do.
• Why did the Amish woman refuse to wear a swimsuit? She didn’t want to be too buoyant.
• What do you call an Amish man who’s always digging? A barn-raiser.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to fight with his neighbors? He didn’t want to cause a rum-spring-a-ling.
• What do you call an Amish man who’s good at math? A farmer-tician.
• Why do Amish people never get lost? They always know what direction the sun is in.
• What do you call an Amish man with a lot of money? A rich plowboy.
• Why don’t Amish people play cricket? Too many butter-fingers.
• What do you call an Amish woman who’s always on her phone? A social butter-fly.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to get a haircut? He didn’t want to get a barn cut.

Amish One-liner Puns

• I saw an Amish guy walk into an Apple Store once, and he asked the clerk, “Are these all hand-cranked?”
• What do you call an Amish guy in the city? Lost in translations.
• Why don’t Amish people play Uno? Because they’re never dyeing their clothes.
• What do you call an Amish gym instructor? A swole-craftsman
• Why did the Amish man refuse to go to space? He didn’t want to leave the sp-earth behind.
• What do you call an Amish electrician? A not-so-bright spark.
• Did you hear about the Amish man who invented the telegraph? He was really good at Morse code.
• Why did the Amish girl refuse to get a nose job? She didn’t want to get a barn-itization.
• What do you call an Amish woman who’s always singing? A farm-onizer.
• Why do Amish people never get into fights? They’re always too busy churning up butter.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to play soccer with his friends? He didn’t want to have a barn-around.
• What do you call an Amish man who’s always drinking coffee ? An espresso-plower.
• Why do Amish people love to knit? They’re always drawn to the stitches.
• What do you call an Amish man who’s really good at seducing women? A hay-baled player.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to swim in the ocean? He didn’t want to cause any tidal-churn.
• What do you call an Amish woman who’s always baking cakes? A flour-power ranger.
• Why do Amish people never use the internet? They don’t want to become hack-tivists.
• What do you call an Amish man who refuses to use a GPS? A way-finding barnstormer.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to become a scientist? He liked things to stay farm-iliar.
• What do you call an Amish man who’s always going to the gym? An an-a-barn-ic lifter.
• Why do Amish people never skydive? They’re too afraid of sudden butter-flies.
• What do you call an Amish person who’s really good at solving jigsaw puzzles? A barn-to-be-wild genius.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to go see a movie? He thought it might be a talkie-talk.
• What do you call an Amish woman who’s always playing practical jokes? A jester-with-the-rest.
• Why do Amish people make terrible hairdressers? They’re always getting mixed up between a cow-lick and a goat-lick.

Funny Puns for Amish

• What did the Amish woman say to the well-dressed man? “Nice clothes, but they’re just a little too zippersome for my taste.”
• Why does an Amish man never wear a watch? Because every time he puts it on, he’s back in time.
• Did you hear about the Amish man who got a tattoo? It was a horse-drawn carriage.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to get a credit card? He was afraid he might get charged with electrification.
• What do you call an Amish man who’s always carrying a hammer? A nail-driver supreme.
• Why do Amish people love to play basketball? Because they get to do a lot of butter-jumps.
• What do Amish people say when they see a UFO? “Wow, that’s a really odd-looking bird.”
• Why did the Amish man refuse to use a fax machine? He preferred to communicate the old-fashioned way: by sending a horse.
• What do you call an Amish man who’s constantly putting on weight? A churning dough-ball.
• What do you get when you cross an Amish man with a kangaroo? A hop-doodle-do.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to wear a top hat? He preferred to wear a straw hat because it had more ventilation.
• What do you call an Amish man who always tells terrible jokes? A butter-grin.
• Why don’t Amish people ever go sailing? They’re always afraid they might get a salted barn.
• What do you call an Amish man who’s always dancing? A barn-dancer extraordinaire.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to use a hairdryer? He preferred to air-dry his beard.
• What do you call an Amish woman who’s always painting landscapes? A farmy artist.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to use a microwave? He was always afraid it might cause a barn explosion.
• What do you call an Amish man who’s always cracking jokes? A butter-cheerful soul.
• Why do Amish people prefer to dress in plain clothing? Because they don’t want to be too flashy.
• What do you call an Amish man who’s always playing pinball? A flipper-enthusiast.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to use a chainsaw? He didn’t want to make any unwanted lumber.
• What do you call an Amish woman who’s always playing hide-and-seek? A hiding-plain-seeker.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to watch TV? He didn’t want to be clueless about the world.
• What do you call an Amish man who’s always lifting weights? A barnfit warrior.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to use a leaf blower? He preferred to rake his leaves by hand to get some exercise.

Amish Puns for Kids

• Why was the Amish girl afraid of elevators? Because they’re always up to something.
• What do you call an Amish boy who loves to play video games ? A farm-hero.
• Why do Amish people love to play soccer? Because they always score big in the butter standings.
• What do you call an Amish girl who’s always studying math? A number-crunching belle.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to use a chainsaw? He didn’t want to disturb baby birds’ nesting.
• What do you call an Amish boy who’s always building things? A barn-builder-in-training.
• Why do Amish people prefer to use candles instead of light bulbs? Because candles are more romantic.
• What do you call an Amish boy who’s always telling jokes? A funny-farmer-in-the-making.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to use a computer? He didn’t want to risk getting an electric shock.
• What do you get when you cross an Amish girl with a rabbit? A hop-getter.
• Why do Amish people love to play tag? Because they’re always on the run.
• What do you call an Amish boy who’s always playing with toys? A plain and simple toy-leader.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to use a telescope? He preferred to stargaze with his naked eye.
• What do you call an Amish girl who’s always drawing pictures ? A farmy artist-in-the-making.
• Why do Amish people always wear hats? To keep their hair in place.
• What do you get when you cross an Amish boy with a squirrel? A nutty farmer.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to use rollerblades? He didn’t want to risk getting run over by his horse.
• What do you call an Amish girl who’s always singing? A farmgirl diva.
• Why do Amish people prefer to use pencils instead of pens? Because they love to erase their mistakes.
• What do you get when you cross an Amish boy with a frog? A hoppy-go-lucky lad.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to use a hairbrush? He preferred a good old-fashioned comb.
• What do you call an Amish girl who’s always reading books? A bookworm with farm values.
• Why do Amish people love to play board games? Because they’re always looking for a good challenge.
• What do you get when you cross an Amish boy with a cow? A moo-tiful farmer.
• Why did the Amish man refuse to use a chainsaw? He preferred an old-fashioned saw to cut wood.

Amish Puns in Movies

The Amish community is a popular subject in movies. In comedy films, it is not uncommon to hear Amish puns used for humor. Here are some examples:

• In the movie “Kingpin”, the character played by Woody Harrelson says, “I met her at a discotheque; she was Amish, it was a Rumspringa thing.”
• In “Sex Drive”, a character says, “Are you Amish? I didn’t know they made ginger ale in heaven.”
• In “The Love Guru”, Mike Myers’ character says, “I was Amish until I was 28 years old, and then I decided to come out and become a Hindu.”

These puns are often used to poke fun at the perceived simplicity of Amish life and culture, or to highlight the contrast between the modern world and the traditional Amish way of life. However, it is important to note that these jokes can also be seen as insensitive or offensive to members of the Amish community.

Despite this, Amish puns continue to be used in movies and popular culture. As long as they are used respectfully and in good humor, they can provide a lighthearted way to explore cultural differences and similarities.

Key Takeaway

While Amish puns can be a source of humor in movies, it is important to be aware of their potential impact on members of the Amish community. It is always a good practice to use them kindly and to avoid unintentionally causing offense or perpetuating harmful stereotypes.

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Amish Humor

Published: Mar 21, 2012 · Updated: Aug 26, 2024 by Kevin Williams | 8 Comments

Probably one of my earliest misconceptions about the Amish were that they were a somber, pious, prudish people.  But my experiences have taught me the exact opposite.  Most Amish I have met have a very deep, sometimes very over-the-top sense of humor.  I've met Amish who love a good practical joke, puns, or riddles.  They also, in general, seem to look at life through a lens of healthy humor.     This is a sign I saw in an Amish business that shows flashes of that humor! Stay tuned for this posted to be updated soon with lots of side-splitting Amish insights!

More Amish Life

About Kevin Williams

Hi, my name is Kevin Williams and I am owner of Oasis Newsfeatures and editor of The Amish Cook newspaper column.

Reader Interactions

March 21, 2012 at 7:49 pm

I love this!

March 21, 2012 at 7:55 pm

I've actually seen this on the back of a buggy. An Amish man once said (&probably more have said this), the horse replaces itself, the auto doesn't.

Wilma Walker

March 21, 2012 at 9:34 pm

March 21, 2012 at 10:07 pm

March 22, 2012 at 12:33 am

ok so here is one for you Kevin......

An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank you, sir, and I'll see that it's repaired as soon as I return home."

"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals so you should have your husband check that, too."

"Again, I thank thee. I shall have my husband check this when I get home."

True to her word, when the Amish lady got home, she told her husband about the broken reflector. He said he would put a new one on immediately.

"Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."

March 22, 2012 at 12:41 am

Susie MacDonald

March 26, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Being a young girl from the country many years ago, I had never seen an Amish horse and buggy before. One Sunday, while our family was on a short trip to a cousin's house for a Sunday visit, we passed an Amish horse and buggy. My dad, being the jokester he used to be..(God rest his soul), asked me if I knew what model of horse that was. Giving him a strange look, I said no I didn't. He told me that it was an "oats-mobile" (like the Oldsmobile car)! I was really gullible when I was a kid!!! LOL

March 26, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Cute jokes, keep them coming....

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150+ Amish Humor : Jokes, Puns, Pickup-lines, Captions…

| 11 June 2024

Pun it, share it !

Amish Funny Best Jokes

• Why did the Amish man bring a ladder to church? Because he heard the service was going to be uplifting!
• How do Amish people party? They raise the barn roof!
• Why did the Amish man get a ticket? Because he was caught exceeding the horsepower limit!
• What did the Amish teenager say to his parents? “I’m going on Rumspringa, but don’t worry, I’ll be back with a vengeance!”
• Why don’t Amish people play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding in a haystack!
• Why did the Amish man bring a pencil to the barn? Because he wanted to take notes in cursive!
• What did the Amish computer say to the user? “Quit your barnstorming and give me a reboot!”
• Why don’t Amish people use cell phones? Because the ringtones interrupt their peaceful buggy rides!
• Why did the Amish man become a musician? Because he wanted to play in a rock band, literally!
• How do Amish people navigate? With a horse and buggy GPS, of course!
• Why did the Amish man bring a mirror to the farm? Because he wanted to see his reflection in a simpler life!
• What did the Amish farmer say to his sheep? “Fleece be with you!”
• Why don’t Amish people play baseball? Because they can’t stand the idea of someone else pitching!
• What did the Amish man say when his butter churn broke? “Looks like I’m in a churned situation!”
• Why did the Amish man refuse to pay for electricity? Because he thought it was a shocking idea!
• Why don’t Amish people tell secrets on the phone? Because they prefer keeping things off the wire!
• What did the Amish woman say to the quilt? “You’re sew beautiful!”
• Why did the Amish man become a comedian? Because he heard laughter was the best medicine, and there’s no co-pay!
• How did the Amish woman fix her broken buggy? With a horsepower wrench!
• Why did the Amish man bring a map to the field? Because he didn’t want to end up lost in the corn maze of life!

Amish Puns Jokes

• Why did the Amish man become a carpenter? Because he wanted to nail it without power tools!
• What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth? A mechanic!
• Why did the Amish woman join the quilt club? She heard it was a tight-knit community!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite time of day? Plough-thirty!
• Why did the Amish girl become a gardener? She wanted to experience the root of life!
• Why did the Amish man start a bakery? He kneaded dough that was his calling!
• What did the Amish farmer say when his cow wouldn’t move? “This is udderly unacceptable!”
• Why don’t Amish people use email? They prefer the old-fashioned pen pals!
• Why did the Amish boy bring a ladder to school? Because he heard it was a high school!
• What did the Amish man say about his new horse? “It’s neigh problem!”
• Why did the Amish man become a tailor? He wanted to sew his oats!
• What do you call an Amish dog breeder? A bark-keeper!
• Why did the Amish man start a recycling program? He wanted to give old things a new life!
• What did the Amish man say when asked about technology? “I’m not wired that way!”
• Why did the Amish man become a beekeeper? He heard there was a lot of buzz around it!
• What did the Amish girl say about her new dress? “It’s sew stunning!”
• Why don’t Amish people get lost in the woods? They always find their whey home!
• What did the Amish teenager say to his parents? “I’m going on Rumspringa, but don’t worry, I’ll be back with a plow!”
• Why did the Amish man bring a flashlight to church? Because he heard it was a light-hearted sermon!
• What did the Amish man say to his neighbor? “Let’s build bridges, not barns!”

Amish Pickup Lines Jokes

• Are you an Amish quilt? Because you’ve got me in stitches!
• Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by your buggy again?
• Are you a barn? Because you’ve got me feeling all hay-wired!
• Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes!
• Is your name Ezekiel? Because you’ve captured my heart like no other!
• Are you a butter churner? Because you’re churning my heart!
• Do you believe in fate, or should I just keep milking the moment?
• Are you from Lancaster? Because you’re raising my barn roof!
• Is your name Hannah? Because you’re making me say “Hannah-mazed”!
• Are you a buggy wheel? Because you’ve got me spinning!
• Are you a quilt square? Because you fit perfectly into my life!
• Do you have room in your heart for another Amish soul?
• Are you a farm? Because you’ve planted something special in me!
• Is your name Sarah? Because you’re a blessing in disguise!
• Are you a butter mold? Because you’re shaping my dreams!
• Do you believe in destiny, or should I keep buttering you up?
• Are you a bonnet? Because you’re covering all my thoughts!
• Is your name Samuel? Because you’ve got my heart on a mission!
• Are you a horse whisperer? Because you’re taming the wild in me!
• Do you have any room left in your barn for one more animal?

Amish Charade Jokes

Amish oneliners jokes.

• Why did the Amish man bring a ladder to church? To get a higher perspective on faith!
• How does an Amish person measure success? By the strength of their barns and the warmth of their quilts.
• What do you call an Amish man with a sense of humor? A chuckle-churner!
• Why don’t Amish people play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding in a field of corn!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite type of music? Acoustic hymns!
• Why did the Amish man become a carpenter? He nailed the simple life!
• How do Amish people stay cool in the summer? They have barn-raising parties!
• Why don’t Amish people use social media? They prefer face-to-face communication!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite movie genre? Buggy dramas!
• Why did the Amish woman bring a flashlight to church? To shed light on the scriptures!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite dessert? Pie à la mode without the electricity!
• Why don’t Amish people get lost? Because they have a strong sense of horse direction!
• What did the Amish farmer say to the stubborn cow? “Quit buttering me up and get moo-ving!”
• Why did the Amish man become a blacksmith? He wanted to forge his own path!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite type of exercise? Pitching hay and lifting barn beams!
• Why did the Amish teenager become a poet? He found solace in the rhythm of nature’s verses!
• What’s an Amish person’s favorite holiday? Harvest feast with family and friends!
• Why don’t Amish people worry about fashion trends? They’re always in-style with simplicity!
• What did the Amish man say when he found a four-leaf clover? “God’s blessings are always abundant!”
• Why did the Amish man open a bakery? He wanted to make dough the old-fashioned way!

Amish Quotes Jokes

Amish captions jokes.

• Churning butter like it’s nobody’s business.
• Rocking the suspenders, keeping it timeless.
• Living the simple life, one quilt at a time.
• Harvesting serenity in the fields.
• Building barns and bridges, one wooden plank at a time.
• Finding joy in the rhythm of the horse-drawn carriage.
• Preserving tradition, one homemade pie at a time.
• Embracing the crackle of the fireplace on a winter’s night.
• Sowing seeds of simplicity in a complex world.
• Gathering together, sharing stories by candlelight.
• Forging bonds stronger than wrought iron.
• Finding beauty in the simplicity of a sunlit meadow.
• Embracing the melody of handcrafted hymns.
• Living by the rhythm of the seasons, nature’s symphony.
• Weaving dreams into the fabric of reality.
• Cultivating faith like prized heirloom tomatoes.
• Harvesting laughter in the orchard of life.
• Embracing silence as the truest form of conversation.
• Carving out paths in the wilderness of modernity.
• Embracing the art of living deliberately.

Amish Puzzles & Riddles Jokes

• What has a heart but no other organs? (Answer: A cabbage.)
• What gets wetter as it dries? (Answer: A towel.)
• What has keys but can’t open locks? (Answer: A piano.)
• What has cities but no houses, forests, or rivers? (Answer: A map.)
• What belongs to you but is used more by others? (Answer: Your name.)
• What has a neck but no head? (Answer: A bottle.)
• What is full of holes but can still hold water? (Answer: A sponge.)
• What can travel around the world while staying in a corner? (Answer: A stamp.)
• What has many keys but can’t open a single lock? (Answer: A piano keyboard.)
• What begins with T, ends with T, and has T in it? (Answer: A teapot.)
• What has one eye but can’t see? (Answer: A needle.)
• What has a head, a tail, but no body? (Answer: A coin.)
• What has legs but can’t walk? (Answer: A table.)
• What has words but cannot speak? (Answer: A book.)
• What is so fragile that saying its name breaks it? (Answer: Silence.)
• What can you catch but not throw? (Answer: A cold.)
• What is easy to get into but hard to get out of? (Answer: Trouble.)
• What has keys that open no locks, space but no room, and allows you to enter but not go in? (Answer: A keyboard.)
• What can travel all around the world without leaving its corner? (Answer: A postage stamp.)
• What has a mouth but cannot eat, a bed but cannot sleep? (Answer: A river.)
• What has a door but no hinges, a roof but no shingles, and a family but no parents? Answer: An Amish barn.
• What gets bigger the more you take away? Answer: A field after harvest.
• What has ears but cannot hear? Answer: An Amish cornstalk.
• What travels the world while staying in one corner? Answer: A postage stamp made by an Amish quilter.
• What can be cracked, made, told, and still remains? Answer: An Amish joke.
• What is full of holes but can still hold water? Answer: An Amish sieve.
• What has keys but can’t open locks? Answer: An Amish piano.
• What has a neck but no head? Answer: An Amish bottle.
• What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks? Answer: An Amish stream.
• What has many eyes but can’t see? Answer: An Amish potato field.
• What has hands but can’t clap? Answer: An Amish clock.
• What is always in front of you but can’t be seen? Answer: An Amish future.
• What goes up and down but never moves? Answer: An Amish seesaw.
• What has a heart that doesn’t beat? Answer: An Amish quilt.
• What can you catch but not throw? Answer: An Amish cold.
• What can fill a room but takes up no space? Answer: An Amish silence.
• What is as light as a feather, yet the strongest person cannot hold it for long? Answer: An Amish breath.
• What belongs to you but others use it more than you do? Answer: An Amish name.
• What starts with an ‘e’ and ends with an ‘e’ but only contains one letter? Answer: An Amish envelope.
• What has cities, but no houses; forests, but no trees; and rivers, but no water? Answer: An Amish map.

Table of Contents

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Alex Skylar

Meet Alex Skylar, the Humor Maestro behind OGHumor. Born from a passion for unearthing joy in the everyday, Alex has dedicated himself to curating a compendium of laughter and wit. From childhood chuckles over simple wordplays to mature appreciations for intricate puns and riddles, Alex's journey in the world of humor is as vast as it is vibrant. He believes that humor is not just an escape, but an essential facet of life. Through OGHumor, Alex brings together an ensemble of jokes, puns, one-liners, and pickup lines, all underpinned by the joyous spirit of comedy. Join him on this delightful journey, as every page and post reflects his unwavering dedication to making the world a brighter, lighter, and funnier place.

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Hello, aficionados of amusement! I'm Alex, your comedic curator at OGHumor. From jest-filled jokes to perplexing puns, riveting riddles to oh-so-smooth pickup lines, and snappy one-liners, I've journeyed through the vibrant valleys of humor, collecting its treasures. At OGHumor, I showcase this eclectic ensemble, offering a delightful blend of belly laughs and brain tickles.

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Motor Jokes

An 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A General wants to reserve a Jeep from the motor pool.

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